Friday

Had a sub-com interview.. suppose to have my inteview at 940pm but the committee dragged it till 1120++ for my turn.. it was a nervy moment.. i was speaking like an asshole.. tripping over words and such.. i think i spent the most time in there.. i think.. I was given questions that other ppl were not given.. it was hell.. in a nervy kinda of way...

training for me was horrendous.. how am i suppose to go to AAS in this state..?? It was terrible i've never hit my arm so much before.. It really was terrible.. I was rushing my shots everytime i saw yellow in my sight pin.. the arrow would go centre but bottom.. as expected coz as i was sighting down and release as soon as i saw yellow and my bow arm is still going down and the followthrough ain't there.. But as it got later and GL came down.. my shots seemed to be improving..

went to changi airport to join family there.. took the train with shimin.. had a nice long chat.. chatted about the memories i had of indonesia.. haaah.. those were the days when i was a carefree foolish and adventurous young boy..


Saturday

Training.. was rather sucky.. my form is terrible.. there were to many thoughts running thru my mind.. thoughts about this.. about that.. i told GL about my problem.. He said that it was a case of target panic.. and a clicker would solve it.. but then.. if i were to buy a wooden bow clicker.. it would be an absolute waste coz i would be reverting to my eclipse soon after sembawang compy... now that i've known my problem.. I made it a campaign to solve it here on my wooden bow before i ever go on to buying a clicker.. so i tried doing the technique of erasing target panic like how i did it before when i had target panic earlier.. Hold it there for about 10secs then releasing it and following thru with the shot.. to the end of training my form was getting better.. but it was shortlived as training ended..

The others went home first.. leaving me and ryan behind.. the last to leave the club.. i had to refletch my arrows.. well.. since i was alone and had to meet my up with my parents later outside around 1030pm and it was only around 630pm.. i had time to burn.. i couldn't possibly go home as then i would have to go out again.. so i washed up.. showered a little in school before i went out again..

I went to Vivocity alone.. damn.. and i forgotten that it was a weekend.. and there were lots of ppl there.. lots and lots.. so since i was alone.. did a little window shopping.. trying to find that fisherman's hat.. found one. at the Barcelona shop.. but it had the logo of the Catalans on the hat and i'm no fan of catalonians.. the place is goddamn big.. i like lost myself alot of times in the many different wings of the complex.. but since i was alone.. i had nothing to worry about.. just worry about getting my ass outta there when the time comes..

I had to cut short my lonely escapades as i had a time limit to them.. i had to meet up with my parents.. Haiz.. and i was enjoying being alone.. i'll go back to vivocity again.. i wanna got there again.. it's a damn nice place.. and i haven't explored the whole of the place yet.. i wanna go there alone again..

Walking all alone in Vivo being in a carefree moment. with nothing, noone to think about.. it was fun.. i don't know why.. but i find it fun to be all alone.. i enjoy being alone.. Now that i've felt the feeling once again.. I wanna revert back to my lonesome self again.. my old lonely self where i would go out all alone.. like how i walked the streets of orchard road alone.. just walking around.. taking in the sights.. I enjoy being alone.. I can never hide that fact.. i enjoy it.. and now.. i wanna be alone again.. i'm feeling emotions that i'm not suppose to feel.. i wanna be alone again.. i WILL be alone again..



I am destined to walk life less ordinary;
Alone..
Exiled..
Different..
Disdained..
I enjoy being alone.. Now see a rapid change in me.. i just love being my lonely self..

I can see clearly now the rain has gone...


For 4 straight days it has been pouring unrelentlessly.. Since the SAFSA compy till now.. and i thought it was just the normal weather in jurong west until the rain poured non-stop for 4 straight days.. there wasn't a brief moment for the sun to peek out of the clouds.. None at all.. everytime the rain halted.. a few minutes later... It poured again.. i can literally see fountains flowing down my window.. And from the report of BK.. Macritchie Reservoir is flooded.. *raises eyebrows*.. But.. this is most definitely expected since we're entering the monsoon season.. Rain rain.. wet wet.. But today when i woke up.. the sun was shining oh so brightly into my room and the sky's clear blue.. hope it remains this way for the rest of the week..


But.. it is rather bad i should say.. a whole lot of archery compys are coming with so little training time in between.. and the weather plays into perpective too.. if it rains.. training would most definitely be cancelled.. with training cancelled.. we would all be less prepared for the compys.. and i really want to jump back up from my failure at jurong.. failure at home.. Now the flames of passion and the iron reslove in me is driving on oh so powerfully deep within me... I just wanna go to the next compy and make it a hard time for those competitors.. *wicked smile*


Hey.. i know i can't win the standard class.. wiht all those cowardly old men around.. i just have to wait for the moment when i up to C-class.. then i'll own the competition... One perfect motivation/inspiration for me is yazid.. Yazid only started to win medals when he upped to C-class.. and I want to do the same.. So for now.. while i'm still in standard class.. I'll just be myself.. My irritating self.. making it a hard time for those ppl to win.. irritate them..


So SP's having it's own internal competition.. this time it's for real.. against seniors.. 30m.. but don't know what the size of the target paper is gonna be... or the format of the competition.. I hope it's an IKO.. it'll be damn fun if it's an IKO.. I want an IKO internal compy.. The prize is a pair of Hoyt limbs.. Hoyt Vector limbs for female category.. and Hoyt M1limbs for male.. Hoyt M1..!!! Second only to BK's G3s.. Albert uses them.. aaahh.. i want..!! But.. tsk tsk.. i can't.. Heh.. with the likes of yazid, clement, derong, sam and maybe even my own teacher GL.. it'll be a rather hard competition to win.. ehehehehhe.. But what the hell.. If i'm not gonna win them.. I'll make it a hard time for those competing.. *wicked laughter*..


AAS compy coming up.. the beginning of the tide of extreme performances from me.. honestly.. i was and still am more mentally prepared for AAS than SAFSA.. guess this was the reason i so underperformed.. But now.. for the Standard class male.. No more Gan Eng Seng team.. =(.. Timothy is out with a back problem.. dunno who our 3rd competitor might be..


AAS.. say it.. A-A-S..
I'm gonna whoop someone's ass..
Ahahahahahhahaha..
way too cocky there..
ehehehheheheheh

The most disappointing weekend writeout..

My first external competition..

Just a few words to top it all up.. I FAILED MISERABLY.. fuck it.. to have the best of RJC, NJC and ITE West in my lane was nuts.. with their high poundage metal risers.. Samick Masters, W&W Winstar and NX Expert respectively.. I didn't have the mood to compete.. And with their coaches occasionally coming to my lane and start shouting instructions to their respective archers.. I really lost all hope and spirit of competing.. I had nobody.. GL wasn't there.. I was like "Fuck It.. Just shoot for the sake of shooting..".. Watching and hearing the sounds of their arrows thunking into the yellow of the target paper and watching my shots all go haywire and only into the red and blue.. barely into the yellow.. no groupings at all.. just messy all over the place shots.. Fuck it.. my worst performance.. And spotting minor cracks on my limbs.. heck.. my mood worsened.. Lunch alone, silently weeping by the road kerb seemed to clear things up.. now i know wat competition pressure is.. HanRui didn't shoot that well either.. Both of us having our first compy.. Somehow.. I was spending more time with him than my fellow SP archers.. Must be the brotherhood that we've shared for 4 years.. each of us knowing, admitting that we sucked to the core today and that it was only the beginning of our archery journey.. GL came soon after.. he asked me about my performance.. i just shook my head.. Guess he feels more proud for one of his students, ShwaJuan winning the individual standard ladies Gold.. Congrats to ShwaJuan.. a real ownage of the ladies category.. Be happy about it.. Ur win is a remarkable one.. U even beat me by a whole lot of points.. But fuck it.. i'll be back and thrasing those bloody old men who are just absolute cowards for competing in standard class with their metal risers.. Fuck them lahh.. Up to C-class lahh.. give the youth a chance.. I have no words to describe my performance.. It just totally bloody hell fucking sucked and i most certainly did not reach the expectations of others.. Fuck it.. I feel so terrible.. I have no one to blame except for myself..

Sunday
went down back to SAFSA with christine, rachel and adelia.. Went back to challenge the fear that i have seemed to develop of that place.. it was a wise thing to do.. to challenge ur fears.. the place was all wet since yesterday.. has been pouring the relentlessly for the past 2 days.. and being in an army field.. it was damn muddy with all the muck and grime all around and the familiar muddy smell lingering in the air... this is home.. welcome to jurong west.. reminds me off my soccer days.. it still poured relentlessly.. The individual C-class was over.. For our C-class competitiors.. Clement had won first, Yazid coming in second, BK finished 5th and derong got 9th.. A good performance.. coz we took up the majority of the top 5.. the team event was an exciting one.. with our guys pitting themselves against our bitter rivals TP in the gold medal match.. they shot in the relentless downpour.. with a one-arrow shootout to determine the winner.. it was tied at 16pts.. so they had to do it again.. and unfortunately we lost by 2pts.. 20pts and 18pts.. what the hell.. we all could feel the high tension.. it was immensely tense.. it was the best C-class team that SP has ever had.. oh well.. someday.. SP is gonna break TP's C-class team event gold-winning streak.. someday.. It was a rushed prize presentation.. But everyone was seemingly happy.. even the 2 girl's team received trophies.. SP Bee got 1st for team and SP6 got 4th.. so they went back home with prizes.. Oh well.. Talked to yazid about my performance.. my problems.. everything.. And now i have another jedi knight teaching me.. Jedi Knight GuoLong teaching me the technical form part and Jedi Knight Yazid teaching me the mental aspects.. And with the rare occasion of the ultimate Jedi Master Mr Wee teaching me.. i look to be all backed up and geared up for a backlash of extreme performances.. C'mon Hafiz..!! C'mon SP..!!


In Archery..
U have no one to blame except for yourself..U shoot for urself..U shoot to challenge urself, not to win medals..
U don't think, just shoot..

Second part to weekend writeout.. the sunday edition..

Still all happy and cheerful over what i have accomplished with esther yesterday.. literally skipped to school.. went for training.. with the intention of taking AAS shootout score.. asked GL to call mr wee to tell him about the limb problem.. and dunno how ahh.. the conversation ended up with mr wee deciding to come down for training.. i had to rush to get my bow from home.. so i shot 30m 80 face for the time being as i got prepared to take shootout score and also for mr wee to come down.. then.. DR told me that shootout score taking was taken from 50m first.. so i had to go to 50m and shot preparation ends..

And just when i was about to take score.. Mr wee came down.. rachel was delighted to finally meet the man that i was always describing to her as the nicest experienced archer-coach who always gives advice.. and he gave her and adelia some advice and master teachings.. then i brought to him the cracked limbs..

Mr Wee: " Ohh.. don't worry..looks like the glue has worn off.. the previous user cracked the limbs and i fixed them by glueing it together and clamping it down.. don't worry.. come.. string it up.."
Hafiz: "Ok, Mr Wee.." *nods head and zips off to string up his bow*
Hafiz strings up his bow.. the top limb bends.. he presents it to Mr Wee..
Mr Wee: "Ohh.. this is bad.. this is terrible.. the top limb is badly bent.. tsk tsk.. it must have cracked internally.." *takes of glasses to scrutinise limbs* "Yes.. it's cracked internally.. see here.." *points along the crack*.. " Tsk tsk.. this is bad.. such a pity.. this pair cannot be used anymore.. nvm.. not to worry.. i'll get u another pair of limbs.. someone is returning the limbs i lent to them.. today.. tonight.. don't worry about.. here.. go and unstring it.."
Hafiz complies to him

So i proceed to continue 50m.. shot with BK.. then next thing i knew.. mr wee was standing in front of me.. watching me as i shoot.. then he made changes.. he told me my release mistake which is a downward to upwards blast.. and he made a change to my form.. he told me to **********************************************************... secret advice.. ehehehehhehe.. but it was damn hiong orr.. using the new technique at 50m.. it works marvels.. i got 2 Xs at 50m i took a photo of them but i never recorded it in my score coz i was still getting used to the new technique.. too bad lorr.. it was nice.. it was damn tiring as well.. even when mr wee left me alone.. i knew he was watching me as i shot when he was with the c-class archers when they went to retrieve their arrows.. he even told them that i had potential.. aaahhh..!! the flattery..

I had a great day in training today.. the new technique is simply marvellous.. took my AAS score.. 50m 122 face is a rather marvellous score for me.. 259/360.. my 30m 80cm face was rather disappointing coz i was really jaded when i took it.. a disappointing 263/360..=(..

















My 2 Xs at 50m.. (with BK's ACE arrow in the top background as proof)..

Due to "popular" demand.. forwarded the weekend writeout by a day.. ahahahhahah


Thank God for calming my anger down.. Thank God for not allowing the scenario where i would burst out in anger.. Thank God for all the things that he did to make my day NOT like how i initially thought it would be like.. Thank God.. Thank God..!!

Came rather early today.. club had aircon so since it was still early i went to sleep on the sofa chair.. clement who was sleeping beside me seems to be real tired coz he was snoring all the way.. ahahahah.. then.. Ppl started to come.. well.. somehow.. that fucker came up to the club.. but surprisingly.. my blood didn't boil.. i dunno why.. must be the aircon.. well.. it did finally boil when he made a really unnecessary comment when me and jonathan were discussing archery stuff while looking down at the badminton courts where they were having CFP.. arrggghhh...!!! i wanna punch his face and beat him to a pulp.. I'll wipe that smug of his face with the "hafiz method".. walao.. the comment he made was totally unnecessary lorr..

anyways.. went down to field.. plonked myself in a faraway corner.. and then called GL and munweng over to check the limbs.. showed them.. discussed.. talked about it.. looks like they all give the same reason.. "the limbs are old, it's not ur fault".. that cheered me up abit.. well.. honestly.. i didn't shoot that much today.. though i tried several ends at 50m.. tell u what.. shooting 50m is fun..!! dunno why.. but it's just this weird feeling that shooting further feels better... ehehehehehe... there was one time where i was shooting 30m with nadiah.. and we were singing songs that were played by those camp ppl at FC5.. funny sia.. coz after that we got so distracted that our shots went haywire.. ahahahahhahhahahahahah....

spent most of my time teaching esther.. i can say that she has improved..!! No more elbow twisting problem.. i dunno how ahh.. but suddenly.. i came up with new ideas on how to improve herself in archery.. it just came out of nowhere.. i told her to work on groupings.. shoot the first arrow then aim the other 2 for it.. like how i used to do it before i became champion.. hah.. formula for tight groupings.. ahahahhaha.. now i know what to do.. after she has mastered her groupings.. then she can focus on hitting the target.. like how i used to do it.. ahahhahaha.. and it works..!! once i told her to aim for the first arrow.. the groupings show..!! ahahahahahhaha.. i just love it..!! it's like something i never felt before.. tasting the sweet pleasure of the fruits of ur labour ripen.. ahhh.. i promise u esther.. u'll be one of the best..!! thank u esther for letting me feel this new "emotion".. i just love it.. i really have picked up from GL.. guess this is really teaching.. too bad that esther would be my first and final student.. coz i've thought about what weiyi has said.. and have made my decision that i will only shoot and shoot.. no more teaching.. next sem when the freshies come in.. i won't be teaching.. i can only teach females.. i dunno why.. maybe it's becoz of watching GL teach the other female members of GLA.. and i've seem to developed it as well..

chatted with GL and Derong in the mrt before they alighted at clementi.. told them about how i thought bout my participation in competitions.. and thanks for the advice.. i think i'm gonna go for AAS.. sunday take score..

Something happened..


something happened on wednesday night.. and i'm feeling rather pissed off, upset and disappointed.. don't wanna mention it.. if u're really interested to know.. ask me in person.. it has something that has got to do with archery.. so u can bet on it that there'll be some "drama" happening at the club tmr morning.. i really hope that nothing bad happens coz of it.. and i certainly don't want the "drama".. but if there are "ppl" there to piss me off.. hell yeah i'll explode.. i just can't seem to feel anything else but the anger.. it's making me tired and sick.. nothing seems to be able to quench it.. even when i got my first GEMs test result.. i got an A at 80%.. it did nothing to me.. i was still feeling the flames of anger.. even my new friends that i made in my GEMs class were like "Hafiz u still not happy that u got so high marks ahh..?"... i just shook my head.. even seeing her, the only current person who's capable of turning me soft, couldn't eradicate this anger.. i think it's the worst of me since sec school.. i'm gonna relive it again.. guess u can never run away from ur past.. Nasty things are gonna happen tmr.. It'll be a great miracle as well as an accomplishment if i ever get to control myself..

GL if u happen to read this.. pls.. pls.. try to calm me down.. and hold me back.. i don't wanna be consumed by the flames of my anger.. it has alrdy been ignited and for the past few days.. it's been fueled ever more.. and it's getting bigger as saturday draws near.. i'm gonna be real cranky and feisty.. so pls forgive me.. esp esther.. don't be afraid of me.. pls.. u're okay as long as u're not the root of the problem.. by far.. u're not the root of the problem..

I'm in SP2 together with ryan and tim.. just as i predicted before.. I wanna at least a medal.. don't mind if it's an individual medal or a team one.. i just wanna bring back a medal..