Consider it as a waking up call.

Certain things did not turn out as I had expected. Such pain to let go. But circumstances deem otherwise. Definitely I will take some time to get over this. Definitely.

But through the excrutiating frustration, helplessness and pain, lay something of a wake up call. Though it really kinda hit quite hard, it is the hard, ugly truth.

In the competitive world today, it's all about the qualifications that make you successful. In this world, it's all about the money. It's all about being able to provide for yourself and maybe also for your family, if you come to decision to start one. It's all bout being good enough.

And currently, i'm don't have much of any of the above. I cannot provide. I'm not good enough. That's the hard, ugly truth.

For all the negativity and angst and anger. Lies a drive I've never felt before. A drive to prove all of the doubters wrong. That I am capable of something. I know it. I can feel it inside of me. I want to be successful. I want to be so successful that when one day, when all these doubters meet me on the street and see that I am successful. I want them to regret. I want them to regret ever having the smallest hint of doubt in me.

I want to get a university degree. Yes I want to. I really want to. That's what seems to be the qualification that everyone wants and would offer me a better range of job opportunities.

There are a wide variety of choices to choose from. But over the past week, I've met friends who have got me thinking of the choice of degree that I should take. These friends are taking/ have taken courses that are entirely different from what they studied before.

It's more of choosing a degree that has a very good offer of a wider range of job opportunities. Like what the market demands now. I do have some in mind.

But for all the choosing and selecting, it all boils down to whether I can manage to get admitted into a university. My GPA score is not that good enough to secure a degree.

But for all that, I know of a friend who didn't pursue a degree. In fact, he dropped out of a good degree course cause he lost all interest in it and found a better calling which suited him. And now, he's really succesful. Just bought a car. And still young. He is sort of an inspiration to me that it is possible to be successful without holding a degree.

I really really aim to be successful. This drive in me, it's really positive and I kinda like it.

I really hope things will work out for me. And I hope that this drive never dies in me no matter the obstacles that I face. For all the hope that I have. It really feels that I have hit rock bottom now.

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