The most disappointing weekend writeout..

My first external competition..

Just a few words to top it all up.. I FAILED MISERABLY.. fuck it.. to have the best of RJC, NJC and ITE West in my lane was nuts.. with their high poundage metal risers.. Samick Masters, W&W Winstar and NX Expert respectively.. I didn't have the mood to compete.. And with their coaches occasionally coming to my lane and start shouting instructions to their respective archers.. I really lost all hope and spirit of competing.. I had nobody.. GL wasn't there.. I was like "Fuck It.. Just shoot for the sake of shooting..".. Watching and hearing the sounds of their arrows thunking into the yellow of the target paper and watching my shots all go haywire and only into the red and blue.. barely into the yellow.. no groupings at all.. just messy all over the place shots.. Fuck it.. my worst performance.. And spotting minor cracks on my limbs.. heck.. my mood worsened.. Lunch alone, silently weeping by the road kerb seemed to clear things up.. now i know wat competition pressure is.. HanRui didn't shoot that well either.. Both of us having our first compy.. Somehow.. I was spending more time with him than my fellow SP archers.. Must be the brotherhood that we've shared for 4 years.. each of us knowing, admitting that we sucked to the core today and that it was only the beginning of our archery journey.. GL came soon after.. he asked me about my performance.. i just shook my head.. Guess he feels more proud for one of his students, ShwaJuan winning the individual standard ladies Gold.. Congrats to ShwaJuan.. a real ownage of the ladies category.. Be happy about it.. Ur win is a remarkable one.. U even beat me by a whole lot of points.. But fuck it.. i'll be back and thrasing those bloody old men who are just absolute cowards for competing in standard class with their metal risers.. Fuck them lahh.. Up to C-class lahh.. give the youth a chance.. I have no words to describe my performance.. It just totally bloody hell fucking sucked and i most certainly did not reach the expectations of others.. Fuck it.. I feel so terrible.. I have no one to blame except for myself..

Sunday
went down back to SAFSA with christine, rachel and adelia.. Went back to challenge the fear that i have seemed to develop of that place.. it was a wise thing to do.. to challenge ur fears.. the place was all wet since yesterday.. has been pouring the relentlessly for the past 2 days.. and being in an army field.. it was damn muddy with all the muck and grime all around and the familiar muddy smell lingering in the air... this is home.. welcome to jurong west.. reminds me off my soccer days.. it still poured relentlessly.. The individual C-class was over.. For our C-class competitiors.. Clement had won first, Yazid coming in second, BK finished 5th and derong got 9th.. A good performance.. coz we took up the majority of the top 5.. the team event was an exciting one.. with our guys pitting themselves against our bitter rivals TP in the gold medal match.. they shot in the relentless downpour.. with a one-arrow shootout to determine the winner.. it was tied at 16pts.. so they had to do it again.. and unfortunately we lost by 2pts.. 20pts and 18pts.. what the hell.. we all could feel the high tension.. it was immensely tense.. it was the best C-class team that SP has ever had.. oh well.. someday.. SP is gonna break TP's C-class team event gold-winning streak.. someday.. It was a rushed prize presentation.. But everyone was seemingly happy.. even the 2 girl's team received trophies.. SP Bee got 1st for team and SP6 got 4th.. so they went back home with prizes.. Oh well.. Talked to yazid about my performance.. my problems.. everything.. And now i have another jedi knight teaching me.. Jedi Knight GuoLong teaching me the technical form part and Jedi Knight Yazid teaching me the mental aspects.. And with the rare occasion of the ultimate Jedi Master Mr Wee teaching me.. i look to be all backed up and geared up for a backlash of extreme performances.. C'mon Hafiz..!! C'mon SP..!!


In Archery..
U have no one to blame except for yourself..U shoot for urself..U shoot to challenge urself, not to win medals..
U don't think, just shoot..