Supposed to be in indonesia rite now really.. Just that the silat tournament has been postponed to a later date.. So i'm stuck here in sunny singapore..

Well.. today actually not that very sunny in the morning.. The sky spoke of rain to come.. Very cloudy and very cool also.. So it really was a nice weather to play soccer.. Could play very well though.. I've got a nasty gash across the base of my ankle.. though i manage to score ONE goal.. And it really was a surprising one.. It was the kind of.. close your eyes, snapshot kinda goals.. so didn't get to see it go in.. Only know that it really, really rattled the post giving that "thank" vibrating sound..

Really nothing much today lor.. Got a soccer match tmr.. Ahmad invited me and jovee to play for his JC1 team against the JC2 team...

Well.. Dragged my lazy ass over to marina square to catch Danceworks '06.. Was supposed to go support ahmad's JC team called Euphoria as nicole's in there.. Well.. we were "rather" late.. Didn't get to catch Euphoria do their thang.. Watched other grps did their dance routines though.. Really very energetic and great to watch mann... All the gurls were SUPER HOT..!!!!!!!! Never in my life have i seen such a congregation of hot chicks..!! Finally got to meet up with nicole.. She's aight.. Then i met Suren.. He's my classmate in MI.. A great friend.. the troublemaker three of Suren, Vanga and Hafiz.. We make a devastating trio.. Sounds crappy.. Well.. He came here to support nicole too.. So it was kinda of a friendship triangle sort of thing happening..

Well... The time was about 140pm.. so we went to eat.. Had a hard time finding a "classy" halal food outlet.. Finally found one.. So sat down to eat with ahmad, suren and his friends and of course nicole lah.. Never in my life have i seen the ever pervertic joker Ahmad silenced at the table by the mere presence of a gurl.. Ahmad SILENCED..!! Can u believe that..??!!

Then we headed to watch the second half of the Danceworks competition.. There were lots of groups that danced their stuff.. Lots of games.. Lots of anti-drug skits.. That's wat this year's danceworks theme is.. kNOw Drugs.. Just stood there at the back by the pillar with a great view of the whole stage.. And watched to my heart's content the many booty-shaking gurls.. Hehe.. Gotta behave myself.. Well... CJC won the overall competition today to progress to the finals... No wonder.. their dance was Oh so incredible.. Energetic, saucy dance moves and great gurls to top it all up.. No doubt that they won the competition hands down...

The silat tournament has been postponed to a later date.. So tmr can play with the brothers..

I really need to grow some mass.. I'm too skinny for my height.. I mean.. 42 kg for a 1.69m kid.. that's waaayyyy underweight.. Just now went back to GESS.. wen i went up to the guard hse to get that pass.. And the guard asked me wat my purpose of visit was.. And i was like.. "Errmmm.. To eat the malay food that i missed so much..??".. Luckily he never hear.. Dzaki piped in and said it was for band matter.. So into the school then, to find out that the malay stall closed.. Haha..!! Then talked to Ben lee.. Mann.. He damn joker leh he.. made stupid jokes then made fun of Mr pari's moustache wen pari walked past.. then wen he asked me wat course i taking in poly and i tried to be funny and said "intercourse".. Then he replied.."Eh u damn joker ah u.. From last time house captain until now graduate still non-stop joker..." And i was like.. "erhh.. this is my first joke for the day..U lagi terok.. Make fun of ur own colleague".. Nvm then.. Then talked for half an hour then went to the band room to slack.. Bernice non-stop pestering me.. She always like dat one.. Then 1 hour later left.. Met cikgu haryani.. Talked to her..

Then went to the gym wif dzaki.. Did the usual stuff.. 6 sets of 15 of a particular body part.. Wa piang eh..!! When i concentrated on my thighs.. after that.. the pain unbearable mann... Then went off to tiong to meet ahmad.. On the way met two boys from RI.. then one of them dropped his hockey stick.. Then as we walked past them.. I saw something on the ground.. At first it looked like those empty packet drinks.. so feeling cheeky wanna explode it by stomping on it to realise it was a clam-shell Nokia phone..!!!!! Dunno wat model ahh.. all those 4-digit numbers really make me confused.. Skali open-up i see one of the RI jokers' smiling face.. Kanina lahh...!! So returned to them lahh.. Good nature mahh.. Hehe..

Then went to tiong.. Met ahmad at tiong.. then makan.. then talk cock until 8pm.. Tmr gonna go marina square in the morning around 1130am-twelve like dat.. Gonna watch ahmad's gurl dance in an anti-drug dance competition or something like dat..

Well.. I really got nothing to do.. So.. Gonna talk about this picture..
This picture was taken on graduation nite 25/11/05.. Just edited the photos by putting their respective names..

Well.. This is my clique of friends.. My gang.. My brothers.. We've been thru much together.. Thru thick and thin.. In times of happiness and mirth, and in times of rivalry and misunderstanding.. Well.. Most of us basically come from the same sec 1 class.. Sec 1G.. the best sec 1 express class for year 2002.. The best class i have ever been in..

Wat do we share in common..?? Well.. basically.. All of us are motormouths that keep on spewing crap and nonsense.. But.. without a doubt behind all the hype of all our blabber.. Some of us possess the wisdom of matured men.. Well.. only some of us.. We were formely known as the "sialan kiahs".. which in dialect means "people who search for trouble".. Additions to the group in order of the time they joined are dzaki, ahmad jumadi, ian, sam (who's not in the picture coz he's our junior) and aliff.. All of us come from different backgrounds.. And possess different personalities.. There's the sex-starved one, ahmad.. The resident gays, alvin & ian.. the matured peacemakers, me, desmond, aliff, jovee, hanrui.. The stuck-up ones jon & aldrin.. the lazy asses, sathesh, lirong, dzaki.. The always-caught-in-a-love-crisis ones, ahmad jumadi, weiteck, zipei..

We have also another thing in common besides spitting words.. We all play soccer.. From crazy goalkeepers(desmond), ball-dodging defenders(sathesh & hanrui), midfield maestros (me, aliff, kokhow), to ball-ramming strikers (jon, jovee, zipei).. Well.. there's so much to say about this wonderful grp of friends that i have.. I dunno where to start lest even stop..

Well.. this big grp of friends that u see b4 u is a combination of different social grps bonded by the values of being a motormouth.. well.. There's the Brothers, The Predacons, the NPs and the other non-grped ones .. the largest grp is of course the Predacons.. it consists of me, both ahmads, ian, desmond, dzaki & sam.. But we are not the limelight-immersed grp.. we are the un-sung heroes.. The limelight role is taken by The Brothers.. kok how, wei teck, jovee & jon.. Like any other grp.. we have a leader who just is a figure head.. and he's also the smallest of us that's why we name him our leader.. Li rong.. we just call him chong.. Governing of the grp is done by number of votes of the majority of the grp.. So we r like the knights of the round table.. each of us equal.. Well.. The main decisions are made by jon.. who claims to be our "captain".. he just likes giving out orders but we never follow them... we somehow manipulate him out of it.. He's a cowardly asshole.. Always getting himself into trouble and the rest of us have to cover his tracks.. (remember that sentosa thingy) Well.. if he goes to far then we whack the daylights outta him..

Well.. throughout the 4 years in this school we have bonded ever closer.. helping each other in any way possible.. We always make provocative jokes.. but still maintain the level of respect each of us deserve.. Respect.. That's how our grp functions without much misunderstanding.. We totally respect each other.. We respect our backgrounds.. respect each other's gurlfrens.. respect each other's strengths.. respect each other's way of life.. We dwell so much on the importance of respect that wenever someone doesn't give or receive the respect he/she deserves we would really be pissed off.. Esp myself.. Some of u know this.. We don't care who the person is, as long as he/she is disrespectful to anyone of us, we will give'em a piece of our minds or fists.. Thru the 4 years of being together.. We have done much together.. Helping to pull each other thru the menacing temptations of adolescence.. I have gained much experience, wisdom as well as different perspectives of life from each individual.. Ever always improving my social bonding skills..

Well... there's so much to say yet so little time for me to explain the way i feel to have such a privilege in this group of friends..
We ride together, we die together.. Bad Boys for life..
Predaconian Handshake..
Peace out..

Normal Sunday morning.. Silat class.. then go play soccer with the brothers.. didn't score any goals today though.. Hehe.. Well.. After soccer.. went to follow the brothers to west coast recreational centre to watch them play pool.. Well.. I only watch coz i dunno how to play..Hehe.. Well.. jonathan invited to teach me how to play it.. Stable bridge.. Aim for the centre of the ball.. we had to cut short my training coz we were "illegally" using the table next to us.. Then shumei and ian came.. And we (ian, shumei and i) went to book a table for ourselves.. Then ian continued teaching me.. Grab the base of the cue stick steady.. Wat balls i am allowed to hit.. Wat fouls are there and such..

Then we started off with my first ever pool game..!! I played against ian of course.. Well.. the game was rather fine.. Somehow i got to the game like a duck to water.. It was ever oh so fluid.. There were numerous, countless mistakes that i did.. Of coz lahh.. wat do u expect from a noob..? Well.. I found myself at a winning advantage.. Guess ian was rather rather cutting too much slack on me in the early part of the game and i capitalised on that.. Soon after i found myself slotting in the final black 8 ball.. I WON MY FIRST EVER POOL GAME..!!!!!!!! HHHHAAAA...!!!!!!!

Then i played against shumei.. i was on a wonderful streak wen i accidentally slotted in the black 8 ball from a rebound.. Aaarrrrggghhh...!!!!!! I lost...!!!!!!! And i lost to a gurl..!!!!!! No offence to gurls though , shumei's kinda good actually, she left me in that trap that saw me lose my second game.. well.. I watched as ian and shumei played against each other.. Ian/jon won coz jon took over ian later in the game.. Well.. Ian found himself rather hungry, so went to get some food and i was left with shumei to play pool with.. So we played.. I won the next game as shumei slotted the 8 ball in.. Hahaha..!! Back at ya..!! Well.. i won my next consecutive game too.. Haahhh... Noobie's luck.. i love it.. Then she invited me to a game of nine-ball.. which i obviously never played b4.. Duhh..!! And i won it too..!!!!!! Hahahaha...!!!!!!! I'm a bad man.. Poor shumei.. How does it feel like to lose to a noob..?? And trice.. HAHAHAHAHAHA..!!!!! Well... After that i've had enuff of playing pool so i let ian play after he came back.. So i watched as they played.. ian won.. Then we payed for our table and watched the Brothers play their game.. Shumei went off first.. So there i was watching the pool "maestro" jon play against jovee.. Well the game ended.. and so we went home.. May not be playing soccer with the brothers next week coz i MAY be going to indonesia for a silat tournament..

THX to ian and jon for teaching me how to play this wonderful game.. And thx to shumei too.. For teaching me all the fouls and also letting me beat u.. HAHAHAHA..!!!

Focus.. All my life i have lacked focus coz i never did fully understand the meaning of it.. Long have i been confused of this word.. I lacked focus so much that i put myself in unnecessay trouble.. Be it lack of focus in studies while i go ard playing games.. Heck i even played games druing the 'O' lvls.. Hehe..
And after all this while.. After so much has passed in my life that i finally managed to decipher the meaning.. Thanks to Faizal "Maverick" for his moment of wisdom.. And a deep pondering over it.. After all he was my first best friend in gess.. He taught me lots of things.. He gave me many insights into the underworld which i never knew existed in such a civilised place as singapore.. Well.. Back to the topic at hand.. There was one time whr i told him that i hated to spar with people.. He said that i was too compassionate.. He said that i had to many minds to care about.. Too many minds to care about..?? it's this statement that kick-started the understanding of focus..
Well.. it's like this.. When i do things.. I have too many minds to care about.. which basically means i think too much.. I think about the past, the future, the present.. In the case of sparring.. I think about my opponent's well-being, i think about getting hurt.. By thinking too much, my performance gets affected and i won't be able to achieve the main objective of beating my opponent.. This is where focus comes into play..
By focusing on a main objective and blocking out other things.. Blocking out other "interruptions" and the objective is there for the taking.. Wat seperates us from failure and success is ultimately focus.. Imagine a warrior in battle.. The only thing he has to think about is defeating his opponent in watever way possible, to not care about death, to not care about getting hurt, not to care about the state of his opponent.. Only to think about killing his opponent..
Somehow.. by integrating focus with pure desire.. impossible things can be achieved.. With such a ferocity in this combination.. all things shall fear u in a way or another.. It is fear that brings us down.. Focus and desire can overcome this.. Focus.. It can do wonderful things..

The inevitable Valentine's Day.. The Day of Love.. The day where u tell someone u love how much u love them.. It is a time whr thr would be squeals of delight from gurls when their dream guy asks them out.. It is a time where those brave enough gather the courage to ask that gurl out.. It is a time of blushing faces.. It is a day filled with flowers, hearts and gifts..

Like any other Valentine's Day.. I spend it all by my lonesome.. Locked up in my room.. or outside taking a long walk rite straight till the dead of night.. This year.. i spent it differently.. I went to Darussalam mosque to study the knowledge of Tajuid.. Or in lay man's term.. The way to read the Quran fluently.. Just came back.. Kinda weird huh..?? I'm a weirdo actually.. As i went on my way.. All ard me i see couples.. There were many, countless couples.. From those barely into their teens to the matured ones.. Couples holding hands.. Couples hugging.. Almost every individual guy i came across had something in their hands.. Flowers.. Gifts.. Chocolates.. Teddybears.. Even the bangladeshi workers had flowers for their filipino gurlfriends.. Gosh.. Never have i seen a day where everyone is out to tell that special someone how much they love them..

Wonder if i'm ever gonna celebrate this day.. I'll ask her out on a date.. I'll be dressed to impress.. Then i'll wait for her by her home.. Then marvel in the moment as she enters my gaze, all dressed up elegantly, an angel.. I'll tell her how spectacular she looks.. I'll shower her watever gifts i have for her.. Then i'll take her to a fancy restaurant(not mentioning whr though i have one in mind).. On the journey, i'll whisper sweet nothings in her ear.. at the restaurant, we'll order something to eat.. I'll bask in the ambience of watching her delicately nibble on her food as well as give a distant thought of our future together.. After that we'll take a lovely walk.. I'll constantly tell her how marvellous she looks and how much i love her and how much i cherish every moment that i spend with her.. My fingers constrictingly entwined in hers.. Then i'll walk her home.. I'll tell her how great it was to spend the evening with her.. I'll see to it that she arrives home safe.. I'll walk her right to her doorstep, ever reluctant to let go of her hand.. We'll wave each other goodbye.. I'll tell her that i love her and i'll be on my way.. Ever waiting for the next time where we'll go out again..

Sounds nice huh..?? Wish i had a gurl to call my own.. Guess i'll never have one.. I can't have one.. I can't afford one.. Besides.. Th way of life that i lead would be totally different from hers.. Haiz..

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone..!!!!!

Well.. Got my 'O' level results back.. Didn't get wat i expected it to be.. SP here i come.. with the majority of my clique esp vanga going there, i won't be so alone or that left out.. Now it's time to revert to plan B.. which literally means the "I-can't-take-the-'A'-level route" plan.. Which means.. I'm into poly..!!! Yippee..!!

Well.. Have a variety of courses to choose from.. But all must be at SP.. All of them revolve ard the medical, airline and maritime industries (and the army but poly don't offer army courses rite).. Coz these industries are whr most of the government's money go into.. So later wen i graduate there would be a wider job scope.. If can go to university then go pursue that degree.. If not still got a chance to nail a job..

Well.. i've applied for an army sholarship.. just waiting for several interviews before they accept me.. It pays for my tertiary education.. gives me a monthly allowance.. A bonus wif i pass my exams in one sitting.. A job after NS in the army.. As well as a career opportunity in the army as a specialist after completing my bond..
So.. if i'm unlucky and do not qualify for a university then i'll sign on to be a specialist.. If i get to go to a U.. then i'll pursue the degree.. So i have my future plans all laid out in front of me.. it's just a matter of me fulfilling them.. Hope no stupid shit happens while i'm in the middle of these..

Well.. I got 'O' level results back.. rather disappointing but expected.. My humanities brought me down.. Nevertheless.. I'm going to a poly.. Biggest day of my academic life after psle
The day b4 Baoxian alrdy was so paranoid.. She kept on sms-ing me about the results.. Askinf for my prediction of her score.. I predicted 9 pts.. Then she still kept on pestering me.. Heck.. One day b4 the actual day alrdy make me all stressed out.. Went to school with her today.. She called me b4 this.. Asking me whr i was.. when she just came out of her JC.. And i just stepped out of my hse.. She was so excited.. But rather annoying too.. So met up with in the MRT at clementi.. She didn't see me.. But i kept it that way coz i wanna enjoy my ride.. later she'll annoy me even further.. Reached Tiong... She really damn blur lehh.. She followed a woman(who obviously don't know where she's going) to the BACK of the station..!! And i had to chase her to get her back..!! Damn blur leh she..
Then went to tiong mac to meet up with the rest of classmates.. Got class gathering b4 the release of the results.. At mac also Baoxian can't seem to sit still less keep her annoyance at bay.. That's what i like about her.. She's annoying yet somehow i can manage to annoy her with her own annoyance.. Get it..?? She ask me to treat her something to eat.. when i followed her to order the food.. She say she not hungry.. Arrgghh...!! Then Sathesh didn't want to eat his burger so she took it.. Then we went on our way to school.. Baoxian wanted to look into my bag so i opened it up for her.. Next thing i know she threw the burger inside.. how annoying..!! Then walk together with her.. Talk about this and that.. Then i told her about the term "puppies" and wat it meant.. She laughed hysterically when i told her the slang definition.. Then she showed me her Real puppies (those small dogs).. Goddamn they look fierce and she says they're cute.. Then the sky poured.. Luckily i got an umbrella.. But Baoxian wanted to share it with me.. She kept on snatching the umbrella from me to shelter her fully.. So there we were grappling over an umbrella crossing the road.. LoL..!! it was funny.. the rest of the gang ran for shelter.. Then my other classmates came to fetch us with umbrellas..
At the canteen.. Met up with desmond and the rest.. Gosh.. There were really some major changes.. Then Ben Tan came and gave us a speech b4 the results.. i then went for friday prayers..
Wen i returned the brothers just arrived too.. And it was like 215pm.. So as usual.. we slack ard.. Pull jokes until abt 240pm like that then went up to the hall.. Nicholas called me to his side so i sat with him (he's like my big brother in class).. And guess wat.. I found Baoxian sitting next to me.. And she then kept on saying that she'll get 10 pts and that i shld treat her if she gets less than that.. So did that stupid pinky finger shake as a mark of my promise.. The principal was ongoing with the statistical crap and such.. the top students were announced.. Luckily no Tham..
then i got my results.. i was like wat the fuck..!!! Then i called my mum to tell her the results.. My Amaths get B3 lehh.. All my life in GESS.. my Amaths always get F9.. Then Baoxian came squealing with delight towards me.. Shhe kept on squealing " I got 9 pts..!!! I gt 9 pts..!!".. Then i went over to Mr Kung to give him my thanks.. Then i found Baoxian at the back of the hall weeping.. So i went up to her.. I knelt in front of her then asked what she was crying for.. She said she's not sad but instead she was happy.. Fuhh.. Scare me only.. The last time i had to comfort her when she cried was with Mr Ben Tan.. Let's leave that event to another entry.. So there i was comforting her again.. but with less sorrow just excessive happiness..
After that went to play soccer with the brothers at henderson soccer court.. Then ard 7pm went home with aliff, ahmad and desmond.. Wat a day..!!!!

Not my usual, ordinary sunday.. In the morning went to silat class.. The first time in a long time since i stopped doing it.. I decided to continue coz it's now taught by my cousin, Abg Khairul.. So was feeling really comfortable.. Khaleelullah was there too.. He's a graduate from GESS just like me.. just that he graduated 3 years ago.. Not going to play soccer with the brothers coz i had to go to my cousin's ( on my father's side) engagement..
End of class.. My parents fetched me and also sent abg khairul home.. they were going to a wedding at Holland drive.. So i had to follow them.. I felt really stupid mann.. Me.. in my home clothes, dressed sloppily attending a wedding.. And to top up the humiliation.. the berkat girl gave me the children's berkat.. Man.. How embarassing..
After that fetched abg khairul agn.. then went back home.. quickly got dressed and headed for Kak Ati's engagement.. Wow.. Wat a fancy and rather grand set-up for just an engagement..!! The food was great.. the drinks were great.. the only thing that subtly spoilt the occasion was the large number of smokers attending the engagement.. Puffing toxic fumes here and there.. Met up with my other uncles and aunts as well as my cousins.. Then went inside the hse to take photographs with kak ati...
Wow..!! She really looked great.. Already so beautiful on her own.. Plus the make-up and the gown she's like.. wow..!! Can't seem to describe it in words.. That's the thing abt beauty.. U can't describe it in words.. Mann.. She really is that beautiful.. Talked to her.. There was a nervous vibe in her voice.. Who wouldn't be..? A major commitment in life.. an engagement.. But i think she was just really excited.. Then the photographer came in.. And asked us out to the living room to take photos.. Kak Ati now had to do her photos.. So we sat ard and watched her pose the many poses.. Mann.. She really is that photogenic.. Can easily carry out the photograher's instructions.. And i just sat there with the others.. Just basking in the silent admiration of seeing my beautiful cousin being happy and bubbling with excitement.. So.. i just sat there until ard 5pm then went home...
Must have been a rather exciting day for kak ati.. It was real nice to see her so happy..

The heart.. Not the biological one.. the spiritual one.. the emotional one..
The heart.. The centre of a person's feelings.. Especially of sincere feelings..
It determines the character of a person.. the motivation...
The heart.. It's wat drives us.. drives us in our studies.. in our faith.. Our judgment of things.. In watever we do
We cannot continue our daily lives without the involvement of our hearts.. Involvement of feelings..
However.. the heart is also the centre of theoretical conflicts..
You may be thinking of doing something and the next u don't give a shit about it..
U can be a different person by day and another by night..
The Arabic word for heart is "kalbu".. Which definitely means "constantly changing"..
And it really seems that obvious isn't it..?
Wat i'm trying to implement here is how often our hearts constantly changes its desires..
Often a single event can totally change a person..
Upon an event of grief, despair or anger.. A cheery disposition can turn into a raging entity..
As well as vice versa...
With clear control of our hearts, of our feelings..
We won't easily succumb to constant change..
It won't be easy..
It summons great courage and will(or sometimes even our own nature, be it good or bad) to cement our objectives..
Our heart constantly changes...
Just make sure it's the right change..