Lonely days never fail to bring back memories and bring me back down to earth.
Yepp. i'm lonely. For a good 4 days. My whole extended family, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents are all overseas. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia to be exact. I'm not fond of travelling with my family, too much fuss. And i especially hate travelling to Malaysia.

Oh well. Back to the first sentence. Looking around me in my home, everything's in place. Nothing's in a mess. The quiet ambience. Nice and humble. Just the way i like it. Bringing me back down to earth. Appreciating all the minor, small things. Doing daily tasks. Eating breakfast in the dining room - quiet, the munching of cereals and the slurping of milk are the only sounds. Lunch pretty much the same. Dinner, real quiet, with the exception of the tv on. Nice, i like it. All lonely and cold. Always loved the feeling of being alone and humbled.

Memories. I went to watch a late movie with ryan, guolong, shaun and rachel at JP. National Treasure: Book of Secrets. The last movie i watched was Ratatouille. Well. A nice show. Pretty much a modern Indiana Jones kind of show. But sitting there, i was more overwhelmed by the memories that came flooding thru my mind as i sat there in the cold soft darkness. the memories.

it was the same seat.

Archery. Learned somethings that totally changed my perspective of archery performance in equipment and i believe, it will revolutionize the way people think in the club. The knowledge revolution. Thanks to Wee Peng. Nice, friendly guy. To think a National archer would be even talking to me and exchanging knowledge rapidly and learning new things. Same thing happened with Ting Yue. They saw me, they invited me to talk with them. New things learned. Humble and Self-less. Amazing. i'm impressed. I want to shoot with them one day, in a competition perhaps. To be by their side, with them at their full peformance mindset. Wonder how it feels like. I really want to know how it feels.

Hardwork again. As always. I want to change a lot of things. Everything. From my own performance to helping other archers. It was nice to see Kai and Christine shooting again. Moving up to recurve ain't easy. And to see that they really want to improve really makes me proud of them. For myself. i have to work hard. I don't have the money so i'm restricted to only hardwork for me to get myself at the top again. Intend to change my equipment. Well, i intend to, that doesn't mean i'll get to.


42 & 1.4

well well well.. ehehehhehe..

Hari Raya Haji.

Went with ahmad, this time to hasanah mosque. The thing about the religious organisation that i'm in it's that it's registered under West Coast GRC so every Hari Raya Haji, my organisation has to move to an different mosque that's under West Coast GRC. This year it's Hasanah mosque.

So we were all gathered at Darul Islah as per normal to pray. Then the dark clouds loomed over and once we finished, it started to rain. And the rain was kinda special. It was all in small droplets but was heavy like a heavy shower. It was darn cold and the gusts of wind wasn't making things better.

So off we were on the way to hasanah mosque as it rained coldly. It was nice. Hey, it was cold.

It was damn muddy by the field at hasanah mosque. My new sandals were totally covered in mud. And the whole place was really really MUDDY..!! but oh well. Since i was already wet and muddy, no harm being toe-deep in mud. But there were a few patches of of ankle-deep mud. so i guess u can picture it there. The one thing, no make it two. The two things that i really hate about this field was that it had lots of mimosa plants and had lots of centipedes!! I have to walk around barefooted and have to avoid those touch-me-nots and avoid getting bitten by those crawlers.

Oh well. it was nice and wet. i somehow just love the rain. got dressed and readied myself. i came dressed in white. GESS PE shirt and white shorts. i told my cousins that i came here white and will end the day in brown.

RODEO..!!! Whooo..!! Ahmad now become much more experienced. No longer scared. just irked off by the amount of centipedes that we see. No pictures taken though. Too wet and muddy. Sad =(. The rodeo was fast and we got rather big ones. My group did it very efficiently. As soon as one of the sheeps/goats was transferred over to the 'meathouse' we took the tickets and began queuing up. So my peeps who were later just came in and lined up with us.

I learned something today. I learnt how to chop off a goats head. it was easy. kinda like hammering a peg into the ground like wat i do for archery. It's just cutting away the slit skin to expose the vertebrae then just hammering at it with either the axe or the parang. Ahmad learned it too. it was damn easy. So now. we can make thing even much more faster and easier. Since most of us knows how to chop off its head instead of waiting for someone to do it.

Well. No rewriting history today. They built the pen in such away that the goats can't jumped out of it. I will still rmb. the day 3 Jan 2007 blog entry. earlier this year when me and ahmad chased a goat two avenues away. This History will go down untouched, unchallenged.


i came in white and came out brown.


sleepless nights

Day by day. As time passes me by. There's no doubt my insecurities are back to kill me once again like they have before. Killing me softly. But i cannot deny the fact that i was cast aside, thrown away, ridiculed by the things that set me aside from everyone. The very things that i hate myself for. My insecurities.

and as the days pass me by. For every moment that i am ridiculed or cast aside, hatred surges thru my veins. Hatred of everything. Hatred of everyone. Hatred of myself. My heart, if i ever had one, is no longer wat it was. Pulsating with hatred, pumping it thru my body. But. But all that is changing. There's no more hatred. No more. It's been replaced by something else.

And that something else is none other then sorrow. I see no point in displaying hate. No point at all. I wasn't born to hate or ever display it. Ir's just not me.

Some people tell me that i have a good heart, a kind heart. Harbouring no hatred, no anger. Helping those in need. Being a friend to those alone. Some people say that i have a face that brings a smile to them and when i smile, it brings laughter to them. Maybe that's all about to change.

The sorrow in me is unrelentless. It's everywhere i turn. Everywhere i walk. Everytime i smile. Everytime i laugh. It's there. It's there to change the mood. To dampen my spirits. To make me realise how harsh and unfair the world really is. I'm drowned in sorrow and there's no one that can bring me back. No one.

Turbulent days..

Been a turbulent week. Backstabbed by cowards. Misundertandings. Quarrels. Ultimately leading me down the path for me to change. The misunderstandings and quarrels have ended. And friends are as they were before.

Turbulent days. The monsoon season is here. Rain. Rain. And more Rain. Less shooting. More wet. More Wet Socks. Stinky shoes. No matter how much i do love the rain. There is always the limit where i cannot go against the brute force of the elements. As i've come to realise - wetly. My umbrella turned inside out as a sudden gust of wind blasted across. All i could do was laugh and run for shelter.

Oh well. Change. change. change. I always have to go thru it. Now even more rapidly. As the slight changes i made brought about great positive results. I wanna change greatly to bring about MUCH greater positive results.

I don't know why. But i seem to have this liking for all things cold. The cold temperature. Ice Cold Drinks. Not to mention, Cold baths. Especially in this monsoon weather. The cold is so nice. Maybe coz i'm turning cold. maybe.



still an angel to me no matter what.