today's a real interesting day..

started out with the new training system.. we were suppose to shoot a Fita 900 round.. 3 minutes for 60m.. 3 1/2 minutes for 50m.. and increased again (i think) by the time we reached 40m.. it's damn fast.. as well as tiring.. and fasting ain't helping that much..

well... i believe the theory behind the less time is a right thing indeed.. i thought i couldn't last through the whole Fita round.. it was pure torturous..but i made it thru..!! yesh..!! and a decent score to go with that.. lol.. now i know i can do even better when fasting is over.. whoo..!!

my time is now.. it's here.. it's just blossoming.. i know i can do it..

well.. i barely made it thru the fita round.. the 2nd end of the 50m round, i backe out.. but came in back again.. and it was a good decision.. aaahh.. i never felt so great just completing the whole fita round.. i have survived..

well. i was dead tired.. panting.. half dehydrated.. so i went up to club.. too bask in the rare weekend airconditioning and to wait for the team event to start..

and this is where the interesting part starts.. szeyuan was asking me several questions.. which i reluctantly answer.. and it dawned upon us that we both share the same experience.. she once went thru it.. and she knows how i feel.. it's good to know someone understands how i feel.. the feeling of hopelessness.. unwantedness.. dread.. the sucky feeling of being ignored.. it really is good to know that someone understands how i feel.. thx alot sze.. and i know u're reading this.. *winks*.. thx yah..

so.. team event was interesting.. was dread tired..

taught year 1s.. then call it a day..

so i'm sitting here.. typing all this down.. wonder how i'll be tmr.. and the following day..

Well.. i've got nothing better to do.. so here's a couple of pics depicting the Power Three.. Hoyt.. Samick and Win&Win..

*i realise i look like i'm smiling when i'm at full draw..

Ahh.. lazy to post anymore pics.. cheh.. lol.. so yeah.. there are more pics.. too many of them.. lol.. sooo.. archery chalet 2007 was memorable.. yes it was.. *sigh*.. if only more ppl were around..



Year 2s..
















Year 3s..








Mass grp pic..!!










OK.. so we had fun taopok-ing ppl.. lol.. the pics may look the same.. but there's a different combination of taopok-ers if u see carefully..

Disclaimer: No one was harmed in the production of the taopoks..






Taopok number 5
victim: still germyn.. lol
James still can pose sia..
















Taopok number 4
victim: still germyn..

looks the same right..? but it's different..















Taopok..!!
Taopok number 3
Victim: germyn















The aftermath..











Taopok number 2
victim: still rainier















Taopok...!!
Taopok number 1
victim: rainier

Archery chalet 2007

hmm..

first day/night.. was okay.. ahmad brought his PS2 again.. and this time it was naruto one on one galore.. lol.. the ultis to the characters were funny.. and night came.. not before i went to the arcade with weiyi, clement, jerryboy and ahmad.. well.. i wasn't in the mood for arcade.. i was still sick.. been sick since thursday.. so i watched weiyi play guilty gear as ahmad and the rest played daytona.. and to my utter amazement.. i watched weiyi enter a sort of trance and worked the joystick and buttons like he was playing piano..!!!.. whooo..!! bow down man.. sheer amazement.. lol..

i went to walk walk again by the beach.. it was nice.. all alone.. freedom of my own thoughts.. flashes of lightning streaked across the sky.. the sky most certainly spoke of rain to come.. but as i sat there.. no it didn't.. hmm.. by that time it was about 130am into saturday.. couldn't fall asleep.. i just sat there on the park bench.. to my far left were a family of campers.. to my back were a couple ( lol.. they were spooked out when the girl asked wat i was and i turned back to look at them, no hanky panky though lol.).. to my far right were anglers with their fishing rods with those glosticks.. so i wasn't that lonely.. and to my surprise at around 230am.. a patrol of 2 patrol cars came.. patrolling the park.. i could see them from far away.. red and blue lights flashing.. ouh well.. tighten up border security and to deny acts of malicious intent they say.. oh well..

i sat there and thought and thought and thought.. life.. archery.. the coming fasting month.. and of course.. her.. polite games are up.. and they're straight after fasting month.. that means i have to train hard during fasting month.. how 'great'.. it ain't gonna be easy now.. recurve class demands much more.. more energy.. more concentration.. more everything.. oh well.. i'll give it my best..

her.. well.. i really miss her alot.. and i won't see her for a long long time.. ='(

and so at about 345am.. i went back to the chalet.. and to my surprise.. everyone was still awake.. everyone in S-12 that is.. they were watching Skinwalkers.. lol.. and the amount of whispered huha they made..

so i went back and sat outside.. just stared into the lightning flashed sky.. still no rain.. shimin, cheng wai and chao yi came out soon after.. and went to walk walk under shimin's demand.. she wanted to watch the sunrise.. lol.. again sia.. but this time.. it started to drizzle.. so back to the chalet..

went back.. chinyan engrossed with her korean drama came out.. munweng came out of S-12 soon after.. shimin took out pker cards and they started playing.. and sure enough category one weather came pouring down.. ngiah.. wet morning.. 0.0.. lol.. and so the real men retreated to a corner and talked man stuff.. lol.. munweng and me talked about life.. army life most.. he explained to me wat he went thru in the 8 weeks of BMT.. his passing out soon.. hope he gets posted to a good unit of his choice..

and so.. finally.. everyone started waking up.. and lol.. the first thing that munweng did was to go play naruto.. and he said he wanted to go eat breakfast at mac..

but as i was feeling sick.. i lay down on the bed and took a nap.. and timed it so that when i wake up i can go eat breakfast with munweng.. cheh.. timed sleep sia.. lol.. i woke up to find munweng still playing naruto.. lol.. and so after some persuasion.. we finally went to mac to eat.. lol.. hotcakes for him and sausage mcmuffin with egg for me.. man talk again.. and went back..

this time.. i really was feeling groggy, sickly, bloated, nauseous.. i was so sick to the extent i couldn't even get up if i lay down.. and that ruined my saturday.. everyone went out to Escape.. and i was left with the others playing naruto.. i had to cover myself in 2 layers of blanket and smothered with 3 pillows to feel comfortable..

so i slept and slept thru the whole day.. occasionally waking up.. to ppl either sitting on me.. lol.. or banging against me.. or to someone yelling in vain as they lose.. lol.. it was disturbed sleep.. well.. i was too groggy to concentrate on anything.. i was like.. uuuuuhhhhh... uuuuuhhhh.. uuuhhhhh... uuuuuhhhhh...

i finally woke up to the barbeque starting.. as i lay down staring into the ceiling recuperating, gathering all my senses.. everyone had returned from Escape.. and everyone were busy either with the bbq or playing naruto..

ahh.. the bbq.. the usual.. packed with ppl cutting queues to the food.. everything in chaos.. with amateurs making a big fuss out of everything.. i took some uncooked stingray and kept it with me.. knowing full well that i'd have to wait quite sometime before i can take over the pit.. lol.. derong, shaun, rachel, ryan and even james joined in me in the silent wait for the pit takeover.. lol.. we kept a 'secret stash' of 2 packets of stingray and squid.. lol..

and as we waited.. well.. rainier came and we taupoked him..!! the biggest taupok ever..!! i was the first man to pin rainier down followed by shaun, germyn and a whole lot of others.. i was screaming my ass off asking them to stop piling.. whooo.. cannot tahan the weight.. oooo.. it was fun.. after everything.. derong came rushing in.. "hey..i haven't.." so shaun taupok-ed rainier again.. followed by me and derong on top..

the next taupok was the best one.. germyn attempted to taopok ethan.. lol.. he was like grappling with ethan.. and he was calling out to ahmad and us to taupok.. but ahmad was like.. " i can't man.. the guy's gonna send me home.." the next thing we know.. ethan countered over germyn and all of us followed suit in taupok-ing germyn.. lol.. this time it was mayhem.. a whole lot of ppl taupok-ed germyn.. including BK and james.. lol..

the taupoked sessions worked wonders.. they got rid of the wind in my stomach and i was feeling much better.. lol..

and so the time came for us to takeover the pit.. and it was great.. bbq-ed stingray, squid, chicken, buffalo wings.. all cooked to our liking.. nicely burned.. lol.. it was great.. monkey and pecilius soon came after.. and they were treated first hand to our bbq food.. ashley and timothy came and helped us in the 'clearing' of the food..

and so after that.. we all went for a walk by the beach.. attempted to create a sparkler rocket.. but it wasn't enough sparklers and it didn't manage to lift off the ground.. but it was great.. well.. we met up with christine, rachel, rayson.. and we went back to the chalet..

this was the spooky part mann.. me, shaun and tim were leading the group, walking in front.. and when we passed the entrance to the chalet.. i heard a sound coming from above.. the sound was loud and it sounded like something had landed in the branches of the tree above us.. when the sound happened.. the three of us stopped dead in our tracks and i realised that i didn't hear the sound alone.. shaun and tim heard the sound too.. and we were like staring at each other.. and i was like volunteering to look back.. but we continued walking.. and walked fast.. and the grp behind oblivious to wat we had experience tried to catch up with us.. shaun was like "sialla.. sialla.. sialla..".. he was freaked out man.. when we all were safely gathered in the chalet.. we sat down.. and i calmly explain to them the event that happened and none of them heard the sound. all engrossed in their conversation.. shaun was spooked and freaked out.. so we persuaded him to sleep.. and so we all slept hoping for the night to quickly pass.. well i had a hard time sleeping.. squashed between shaun and shwajuan.. lol.. shwajaun sleeps like a log and her elbows like to 'fly'..

and so in the morning.. we signed out and we all went to white sands arcade.. after about 2 hours of arcade.. we all went home..

this chalet was a memorable one.. a better one that last year.. just missing some people.. guolong.. yazid.. bernice..

Taking my life for granted..

All my life i've wanted to be something more.. i wanted to be someone much better.. i wanted to be more.. i wanted to be better.. i was never contented with myself ~~ short.. skinny.. weak.. i wanted to be taller.. and i'll always feel rather hurt when ppl tell me how short i am.. i was born to be short.. i can't help it.. no matter how much i eat.. i'm still as skinny as ever.. and being short and skinny ain't that nice.. it makes me feel weak.. my small frame leaves ppl with the impression that i'm weak and not capable of anything..

and i.. i feel useless.. worthless.. not capable of anything..

and it was my utmost desire to change that perspective that ppl had of me.. everything that i did in my life.. i wanted to be better at it.. i wanted to do more.. i had a lusting desire to show ppl that i am capable of much much more..

until..

until.. one day.. i came across a young boy and his mother.. it was the condition of this boy that touched my heart the most.. i was instantaneously taken aback.. the mother sat next to me on the train as the boy sat in his stroller facing me.. the boy was abt the age of 7.. he was disabled.. he had celebral palsy.. that's what took me aback.. his disability.. a boy his age should be enjoying his childhood.. being mischievous.. runnint around the train.. but not this boy.. he could barely lift himself up.. occasionally his mother would wipe of the drool by the side of the boys mouth.. he was unable to control his body movements.. as he sat there in his stroller.. he stared at me with pitiful doe eyes.. and it was the intensity of that stare that hit me real hard.. he raised his lifeless limbs to grab on the nearest object that his hands could reach ~ an umbrella.. as he sat there leaning against the back of the stroller, he stared at me while his fingers toyed with the handle..

tears began to well-up in my eyes.. i tilted my head back to force the tears down.. i forced a smile back at him.. ashamed at how much i've neglected my life all this while and how much i've taken my life for granted and not thankful that i was normal.. and lead a normal life.. able to walk.. able to run.. able to have fun.. i was able..

i couldn't stop thinking abt the boy.. he's embedded deep into my memory now.. everytime i take the train now.. and have no conversation.. i'll.. i'll think about that boy.. ever wondering how's he doing.. never did i knew.. he could change my life.. and i'm thankful for it..

and yesterday.. while i was walking home.. i saw a bunch of kids at the playground that i usually pass by en route.. and there was this girl she had limp legs and she moved around with a sort of walker.. her knees were bent in and she supported her weight on the walker.. and she was having fun.. she was 'running' around the playground with her friends.. none of them ostracising her for her disablities.. and guilt and hurt dawned upon me again.. and that boy appeared in my mind again.. i was happy for the girl.. she didn't allow the disability hinder her.. she was having fun.. but not the boy.. the boy can never experience wat it's like to have fun.. he could never run around.. he could never laugh.. it's a sad cruel fact.. and i feel saddened and remorseful..

and this.. this has led me to want to change my life again.. thrusting the selfish desires of wanting to be someone more aside.. i just wanna be myself.. i realised now how much i've neglected myself.. and never thankful for what life has given me..

i have great friends..
i lead a normal life..
i have her..

and i'm greatly thankful that i am able to enjoy all these.. maybe i think too much.. but has anyone ever thought about those who cannot lead their lives as a normal person would.. i feel sympathy.. i feel sad..

i feel changed..

i should be greatful that life has treated me well.. with the balance of good and bad stuff happening in my life as a normal person would.. no matter how little happiness life would bring me.. i'll always know that happiness does not come for all.. and it takes great courage, patience and acceptance to appreciate happiness even though it's only in the slightest amounts.. i'm happy to be happy.. but yet sad to be happy..