well well well..

Everything's going on smoothly for me academic-wise. I'm able to stay awake in lectures AND actually pay attention to what the lecturer says, constantly engaged in the lecture. Must be coz i sit right under the lecturer's nose. XD. But there are some occasions where i do fall asleep. And it's when i ask dominic to give me a hard clutch on my collarbone to wake me up. He does it, painfully. Thanks Dom, i really need that. Really, i need to stay awake.

i find myself now being asked around by my classmates to help explain to them things that were just being taught. I'm now discussing equations and definitions and simplifications with the good students of my class. Just like i did back in year 1. Well. I have a lot to make up in this last academic year. No need for me to complain about past mistakes. Better to learn from them then waste time bitching about it.

Well. She has arrived. So beautiful. Beautiful to me at least. Her glossy maroon finish with pink tribal streaks across the back and a lustrous shine to it. She's really majestic. I don't quite know her name yet. She hasn't revealed it to me yet. So now, she's just her.

well. Now that she has arrived, change is on the rocks. She's yet to be pampered with high-end accessories but as long as i have her, its all that i need for my sabbatical. People can go on saying what they want to say. But they're unprepared for the future. I am. I've planned it all out. And when i return. Things will be different.


the sabbatical begins.

Fatigued..
Weak..
Slow..
Unmotivated..
Lifeless..

Yepp. This is how i feel. Fatigued. I don't really know why. Must be the hectic last week of ITP that drained me, plus straight into prep camp. I'm only human and my body does have a limit so right now, i'm damn tired. Weak. Makes logical sense, tiredness and fatigued makes me feel weak co there's no strength in my core. Slow. well. again i should say, affected by fatigue.

To be good, athletes train more. Good athletes train more AND rest more.

Unmotivated. Facing up to the reality of my shattered dream is really taking it's toll on me. Those who do know of my shattered dream can notice the decline in my performance. It's like i have really have no point in shooting at all. Yet there is still this small flame in the darkness of reality still alight in me telling me that i still can live the dream out, it's just that i have to somehow tweak the dream abit. This small flame flickers in size, either big or small. And the fact that i have to wait much more longer for her to come isn't making things any better. I need her to steady the wavering flame in me. I've planned everything out nicely for her and now i have to wait much longer for her and that isn't helping much.

There are alot of archers out there who have stopped shooting because of their low level in performance. I do not want to end up like them. The time and money that i have invested in this sport speaks for itself and by no means should i ever lose the will to shoot. It really makes no sense for me to lose all motivation for shooting. Looking back. Way back when i first started shooting. I never once ever thought about competing at a high level lest even know about high level competition. I shot because i enjoyed shooting. I loved every single moment of it. I must rekindle this love again. I will rekindle this love again. I must remember that i took up this sport coz i love the feeling of shooting and that competing at a high level really is just a bonus of my capability. If i can't compete at a high level, then i shall enjoy my shooting. The majority people say that what drives them in this sport is to win competitions. I am not these people. I have matured much in this sport and i have come to realise the true feeling of achievement in every shot that i make that feels perfect. It is this occasional feeling of high that i get when i execute a good shot that i drives me to shoot. I am in no hurry. I am in no rush. If i truly love this sport. Time doesn't matter at all.


The Love of Shooting.

ITP is over..!!

My 2 months of hellacious torture is now at an end. No more soldering. No more stinking lead. No more excruciatiing painful copper shards embedded in my feet. No more scalded hands. No more peeling skin. No more rough hands. No more sweat on my brow. No more. No more.

A busy weekend of a prep camp. Fun, lots of 'drama'. Somehow it's a tradition in archery for the prep camp to be full of drama. All in all, despite all that happened behind the scenes, all that mattered was that the planning for the actual camp is splendidly done. Its gonna be a real different and interesting camp.

School's starting. Wonder how it'll be this time. I know i did well the past sem. I believe i can do well this time too. With hardwork. With hardwork i can see myself thru with success again.

Alot of things that i want to accomplish in the last year and a half before i serve the nation. Yes. Its still a long way but hey. No harm in looking in the future right? Abit of foresight should lead my life with some purpose. If its possible i want this skinny, scrawny body of mine to be at least physically fit with optimum performance. Let's just say i want to gun for Pes A. Yeah. That. Pes A. I want to get it. Its not something for me to show off or anything but its more of a personal achievement. I have been an athlete all my life and it would be very rewarding for me to get this rating. But then, i can only train myself physically. Medically, i can do nothing about that. But as long as i know i have strived to attain it, that's fine with me.


Gonna thug it out.
When is she coming?
When will I see her?
So beautiful and pale.

What a way to end the week (sort of)..

sick.
Head throbbing pain. High fever. Tap nose. rampant sneezing. wooziness.

NUS friendly was nice. Much better then NP friendly. More organized and the people are much friendlier too. Got to make some new friends as well.

Performance wise. Managed to beat my PB at 18m 40cm face. Was very tired during the shoot. Sickness starting to bite in. I believe i can do better. but no point in that i presume. maybe not.

there IS a silver lining..

And when she comes..
I'll change..
She's coming soon..
Very soon..
and change is imminent..

Maybe..

Maybe there's a silver lining to this dark cloud..

maybe.. just maybe..



lacking heart