And so it would seem..

my life has never reached a level of such hopelessness.. Bloody hell.. everything's going wrong.. u ppl don't see it.. u only see the smile on my face.. the same smile that's on my face in every expression.. Happy, sad, angry, in pain, pissed off.. it's the same smile.. the smile of an assassin.. A heartless smile.. emotionless smile.. a sick smile.. a perverse smile.. an evil smile.. A Guy Fawkes mask smile on my face..

That's the smile u see on my face.. a hollow smile.. look deep into my eyes when i smile.. wat do u see..?? Nothing.. there's nothing there.. no feeling.. no nothing.. i don't feel anything... all u see is the void of the blackness of my pupils.. empty.. that's all u see.. I can't feel anything anymore.. there's nothing in my heart anymore..

Hatred is breeding in me once more.. just like before.. once.. i lived a life of hatred.. i hated everything and everyone that made my life terrible.. i was mistreated.. i was misjudged.. i was ostracised.. for the fact that i was different from the others.. Hate was all i knew.. It was my world.. i wished for death for all the hate that ran thru my veins.. I hated the hate..

until one day.. something saved me from myself.. something still stood with me after all hatred that i went thru.. It was strange.. I never saw it coming.. it was faith.. faith in God.. it stood by me.. He stood by me thru everything.. and something hit me that God was helping me and was giving me the strength to go thru my life.. till it unlocked something.. it unlocked the splint that lit the flame to my heart.. the flame to all good feelings.. i smiled with happiness for once..

And now.. it seems that i am to plunge into my world of hatred once more..

i don't want to fall again... but as every day passes by with these emotions still in me.. i edge closer to the brink of my fall.. ever so close to falling again.. i want to be happy.. i want to be the crazy carefree Hafiz a few months back.. with nothing to worry about.. going all crazy and doing stupid things.. dancing here and there.. seemingly liked by ppl.. i don't wanna fall again.. not again..






anyways.. i got stalked today.. by a black kitten.. it's cute.. yes.. i have to admit.. it's cute.. i was walking home when it peered and mewed from under a parked lorry and it looked up to me with those kitty eyes.. next thing i knew.. it was tailing me.. everytime i walked a few steps and turned around.. there it was.. looking up to me with those yellow eyes.. i was like.. "damn.. this dumb kitty is following me..".. "go.. go go away.. don't follow me.. stay here..".. i eventually had to carry it by the scruff of it's neck and put it at a distance from me.. after i put it down.. i ran away.. hoping that it won't tail me again.. and when i turned back again.. there was it.. trotting up to me.. shit.. I ran as fast as i could with the heavy bag of mine.. until i lost it.. hah. silly kitten..