The day when i turn 17...


Last night.. last night.. Before the stroke of midnight.. Thoughts crept thru my mind.. Thoughts about the day when i turn 17.. thoughts about today.. At the stroke of 12.. i got a msg.. it was from u.. It was sweet.. 25 secs into the new day.. my birthday.. followed by a volley of other wishes from others..


CD was rather inspirational.. Lots of philosophical thinking.. Lots of indirect criticism.. Lots of advice.. It was the last lesson for CD.. goodbye then Mdm wong.. U're great.. Really..


Hmm.. my birthday.. it was only to the end of the lesson, when everybody was walking out the door that it was announced.. damn.. Hugs.. would u believe it..?? Hugs.. pats on the back.. shaking of hands.. and such.. Went to FC3 for lunch.. ate with firdaus and falina.. then it was off to the library.. i'm really sorry for that knee jerk.. i really am.. sorry.. =(.. and elsinta.. Ur voice is really too sharp for my ears.. thx for the wishes though.. thx to christine too.. Library.. did maths then bounced of home..


Went to JP.. with the usual window shopping.. and then those same thoughts ran thru my mind again.. why do they keep coming back..?! why do they have to arise again..?! why are these thoughts ever existent..?!
i dunno man.. it's just weird.. it always happens on my birthday.. It always has to happen on my birthday.. turning 17.. wat significance does it hold..?? What have i done throughout the 17 years of my life that make it worthwhile..?? this feeling really sucks.. I feel inferior.. i feel neglected.. i feel useless.. i feel unwanted.. I feel stupid.. It's sick.. the feeling is extremely sick.. i dunno man.. it's just hard to describe.. it's just grossly sick.. it just doesn't feel right.. why does this feeling always have to arise on my day..?? is there something that i have missed..?? Or is it the fact that ppl only rmb u on ur birthday whr u do absolutely nothing.. And not when u do things on a normal day.. I mean.. A birthday.. it's just a normal ol' day.. a tick in the clock.. just a normal day.. it's nothing special.. why isit that ppl only cherish u on ur birthday, pamper u with wishes and presents.. Isit only on my birthday that i am ever appreciated..?? then what of other normal days..?? it just doesn't make sense.. a person is only loved, appreciated, thanked, pampered, etc etc.. only on the day the person is born.. Why is dat so..?? Then wat of the other days that really determines a person's character.. wat of the other days that determine the person's worth.. wat of other days that determines the person's compatibility with u in terms of friendship and such..?? Surely a person can't do all this on a single day, namely his birthday.. then why..?? why is it this way..??


officially 17 at 1108pm..