Wat went wrong fiz..?!

Damnit lahh.. I did wat i was told.. U gave the instructions, i carried 'em out.. U get into trouble.. u go blaming me.. And u had to drag our father into this.. still got the guts to insult me spending time in front of the laptop.. Sialla.. U're lucky i'm not the same person 8 months ago.. If not i could have bust ur ass right there and then.. Bad start to a day..

Archery.. I should say was rather screwed up.. Though it started rather well.. (not the archery aspect of it).. A session missed and my form has hit rock-bottom.. Not to mention my last archery session with a 24 poundage bow was also screwed up.. I was grouped with christine under the tutelage of derong.. And derong stepped on some dog shit.. Shoot 30 meters.. damn frustrating.. damn pissed off.. Never have i zipped so much.. Wat went wrong fiz..?! Rather upset with myself.. Getting increasingly agitated.. Though i didn't really show it.. I didn't want to worry anybody.. Heck i could have thrown a silent tantrum.. I should've punched a wall till my knuckles turn immense red like i used to do when pissed.. But something held me back.. I didn't want u to see me in a moment of rage.. I'm sorry.. I was really upset with myself.. Somehow.. I got my groove on again and my shooting improved.. But it was too late.. By then it was about 1230pm..

I'm sorry if i was too quiet on the bus.. I was really, really upset with myself in archery that i needed time to recurperate.. I'm really sorry.. That baby on the bus was extremely cute right..?? The baby's cheeks were so.. chubby.. geram sehh.. macam nak cubit.. That cheered me up abit.. I'm sorry that i irritatingly did not answer you till u merajok.. Pls don't merajok again kay.. Makes my heart stop and makes me speak in a stutter.. I'm sorry that it took so hard to tell u where i was going.. I'm really sorry.. U know the reason for urself and now the brothers are barking up my ass for the reason of the cancellation.. Why can't unforeseen circumstances be unforeseen circumstances..?!?! Do u guys need more of an explaination in that..?!?! *sigh*.. Went to do my stuff..

My family picked me up against my will and off we were to raffles city.. My mother insistently wanted me to go.. That's the thing of being filial.. Sometimes doing the right thing ain't doing the right thing.. I was really tired, hungry and pissed off and now i have to top it all up with my family's shopping.. with the amount of books in my bag and the feeling of being drained of all energy, walking ard in a crowded shopping centre for 5 hours was killing me.. I was increasingly pissed off.. I was breatheless.. Even though i told my parents the state of exhaustion that i'm in, they insisted on continuing on.. Damn was i really pissed.. To top it all up.. I had to contend with my brother's bitchy mouth.. Mann.. i was angry.. But the innocent faces of my young cousins kept my anger at bay.. Thx u cute lil guys.. I was extremely exhausted.. Going home was another thing.. I had to pay back magrib and isyak that i missed.. By then it was already 1110pm.. Wished u goodnight and proceeded with the prayers.. I was really tired that i collapsed on the prayer mat after finishing 'em.. damn i was tired.. I got up in the middle of the night and plonked myself on my bed.. Damn..

Wat went wrong fiz..?! Why did u have to be pissed off..?! Why did u have to succumb to ur anger again..?!?! The same anger that u once withheld so greatly..?!?! Why did u have to lose ur cool..?!?!
I really don't like being pushed to the very edge.. To calmly deal with the very source of my anger.. To be mocked incessantly.. I really don't like being nice.. Ppl climb over my head.. Ppl take advantage.. It makes me feel weak.. Yet i hold on to The Prophet's virtue -- Brave is the man who controls himself. not the one who demolishes his adversary.. The honour of old are now worthless.. Are these not reasons good enough for me to lose control..?! It was good enough that i held back my anger.. Ain't it ever good enough..?!?!

I'm really sorry for my behaviour earlier yesterday.. I really am.. Now u know the reasons for my behaviour.. I'm really sorry.. Pls forgive me kay.. I'm really sorry.. *sobsob*..