well..

over the past few days.. i've really been caught up and busy with the SEAAF junior championships.. wondering wat it is..?? it's the south east asia archery federation.. and never in my life.. in the short time span of 2 weeks.. has my life went thru a most turbulent yet educational time.. and as expected.. i made new friends.. i got educated with details of archery.. i got some insight into the politics of archery.. hah.. would rather want to stay out of it.. politics.. though i kinda like the "drama" in it.. it's just not my kind of thing to be dealing with..

it was turbulent.. coz the continuous training has left me with doubts about my shooting.. turbulent coz i was always zipping.. i thought i could do it on my own.. i thought i could do it all alone.. well.. apparently not.. i was shooting terribly.. the mentality was gone.. vanquished.. vanished.. extinct.. my shots were all over the place literally.. my personal favourite distance of 50m was terrible.. EVERYTHING WAS TERRIBLE…!!! I lost it.. I lost myself.. I lost the event.. I lost control of myself..

educational.. it was mixing with other people from different archery backgrounds.. that I learn more.. learn more about how they train.. learn more about their choice of equipment.. learn about how and what these people do to their equipment to make it unique and maximise its use.. it was remarkable the things that I learnt from this event.. this was the only other thing that was happy during the whole event.. the other happy part.. is watching people I know.. who obviously don’t know me that well.. I know them thru others.. from wat others say about them.. and as always.. I’m never known.. well.. back then.. the other happy part.. is watching people I know have a wide smile on their face as they performed well.. as they emerged victorious.. as they won.. there were happy, broad genuine smiles of intense happiness on their faces.. they were really happy...

anyways.. back to myself.. I was shooting so badly.. my mentality wasn’t there.. my physical strength was there.. but wat’s the use of strength when the thing controlling it isn’t there..?? wat’s the use of brute force when the mind behind it isn’t there..?? it becomes useless.. it becomes obsolete.. and that’s how I felt.. useless and obsolete..

I was determined to overcome this.. this uselessness and feeling of obsolete.. this was one part of my mind that was unwavering.. I think it was my mind.. it was my courage.. the courage of telling me that I did it before I can do it again.. the courage of me not giving it up no matter how sucky I felt.. the courage of getting up after the disastrous fall.. the courage to continue..

And today.. I continued.. I came back to SP.. expecting a whole lot of effort put into my rehabilitation.. but no.. no.. I didn’t need rehabilitation… I was totally fine.. it was incredible.. I was shocked yet grateful that wat I expected didn’t happen.. I didn’t expect my mindset and the problems with my archery mind to be solved and overcomed that fast.. and by my own.. I asked guolong to check on me.. but he said there was no problem at all… it was fantastic.. it was great.. it was all in the mind..

I realised then.. that my weak state of mind was caused primarily by one thing.. isolation.. yes.. isolation.. during the whole 3 weeks.. down to the trials.. to the training.. to the actual event.. I was isolated.. I had no friends.. close friends.. no one.. I had no one supporting me.. just let me simply put it.. I had no one.. I mean. I don’t have any of those close friends who were around when I train.. people like Christine and kailin.. my training buddies.. my club members who are always around to crap about.. the friends who make me smile..

the only friends i had are wymer and his sister vanessa.. but they're more like acquaintances.. coz i’m not that close to them.. but through this event.. the many days spent interacting and training together.. I have gotten closer to them.. I made new friends.. ppl like eddy.. NP archery’s only compound archery.. funny lad.. nice guy.. got to know others more.. Nicholas, guah lih, Benjamin, joon meng, ken li, Marcus, Christopher.. getting to know them more in my terms.. is sitting all alone in a corner and then these ppl come up and say ‘hi’ or ‘bye’ to me.. rather of acquaintances than real friends.. yet.. wymer was an acquaintance until we got closer.. and now we’re close friends.. I dunno about the others.. but I hope it’ll turn out the same.. acquaintances.. then close friends.. like the saying goes.. no man is an island.. and I don’t intend to be an island..

it was the atmosphere.. the atmosphere of the people who I often shoot with.. the cheerful atmosphere of happiness.. it wasn’t there.. and that I believe was the source of my demise.. now that I’ve identified it.. I’m happy and grateful that I have a bunch of crazy and happy friends here in SP archery club.. yes.. I’m happy.. and I want this happiness to last.. things in the club doesn’t seem to be working out well now.. u don’t have to actually be in it.. u can feel it.. it’s like.. we’re a closely bonded community.. any thing wrong can be felt.. it can be felt.. I want all this misunderstanding and differences to be clarified and get rid of.. it’s not going well for anyone of us.. hope for the best..

anyways.. now that I’ve experience wat it’s like to be in an international competition.. again.. I have the drive to do well.. I wanna do well.. I will train hard.. I will emerge victorious.. I will succeed.. this time.. it’ll be a very long and arduous journey.. and I know I can make it.. I know I can do it.. I will do it..


next up NUS Indoor..