Heh..

wat the hell..

how really unfair the world really is.. how the scale of life tips downwards in my direction and high up for others.. heh.. wat the hell.. i'm jealous.. i'm envious.. yes.. i'm all hateful and green-eyed.. but is it fair..?!?! Hell No.. i most certainly don't think so.. it most certainly ain't fair..

It ain't fair to people like me.. who have to bleed every single cent.. starve every single dollar.. just to save barely enough to acquire the stuff i want.. it just ain't fair.. how my stomach rumbles as i hold back my hunger.. how my thin body shakes with the fraility of lack of sufficient food.. how i hold myself back from purchasing unnecessary stuff so that the money stays in the pocket.. the money stays folded up in my wallet.. sometimes i fold them into hearts.. and when i use the money.. i have to unfold and destroy the heart-shaped origami.. well.. it most certainly feels that way.. every single dollar heart unfolded is like ripping a piece outta wats left of my heart..

*sigh*..

how i have to live with it.. the pain.. the anger.. the frustration.. the jealousy.. the envy.. the hatred.. it's just ain't fair.. the amount of money u save.. the amount of time i spend just saving it up.. the amount of patience i have to contend with just to be enable to purchase those items that i dearly wanted.. and then suddenly u see people having the stuff of ur dreams and they got by means of connections and fame.. it's like "wat the hell..?!?!" here u are saving like fuck just for the money.. and there are people out there just getting it like freebies.. wait.. they are getting them as freebies.. wat the fuck..?!?! this ain't fair.. this ain't no FUCKING fair..!! it's just not fair..!!

drowning in despair.. already i'm disadvantage by means that those richer people are buying much better stuff than mine.. i'm abit fine with that.. but nonetheless uncomfortable and uneasy with it.. these people were born in to well-off families.. me..?? i was born into a moderate, average family.. and nonetheless grateful of that.. but then.. already disadvantaged like i said earlier.. and then these people get freebies.. wat the hell.. no.. wat the FUCK..!?!?!

it's just beyond description the way i feel towards this unfairness.. it's like crying then going breathless and then not being able to breathe.. it's like a strangle.. it's like a choke.. it hurts.. and it's beyond feeling..

but..

but..

i have several things that separates me from the others.. willpower.. hardwork and faith..

these will see me thru... as they have done before..

i realise now that i cannot wait until everything is just right.. if i wait to do everything until i'm sure it's right.. i'll probably do nothing at all.. it will never be perfect.. There will always be challenges.. obstacles.. and less than perfect conditions.. So what.. i should get started now.. with each step i take.. i will grow stronger and stronger.. more and more skilled.. more and more self confident.. and ultimately.. more and more successful..

hardwork.. heh.. i realised this.. when i complained how talented other people are than me.. other people are not more talented than me.. they've simply tried harder.. the more i practice.. the more talented i become.. those who have never made mistakes have never done anything.. and i most certainly have made alot of mistakes.. never harbour a dream for fear of losing that dream.. attack that dream with and iron resolve and conviction..

an iron resolve.. and.. conviction..

and people say that they've work hard and nothing seems to be going on well for them.. hah.. i once found myself in the same position.. and i've derived a solution to this mentality..

if nothing seems to be working out after working hard.. don't change the goals.. the goals are fine.. nothing wrong with them.. it's the steps taken to achieve these goals.. if the steps are not working out.. change the steps.. approach the goal in a different way.. change the steps towards the goal.. not change the goals.. change the steps..

hah.. i realise that i have many things and so-called words of wisdom that i realise i come up with and they all make sense to me.. wanna know how i find wisdom..??

easy..

walk the world and you'll find your soul.. search your soul and you'll discover the world..

think about it..