And things just can't get any better for me..

Last week.. my childhood friend was admitted into hospital.. so i visited him along with my family.. thinking that it was just another one of those attacks.. but to my utter dismay.. it was otherwise.. His cancer had reached the final stage and there was no hope left.. he was terminal.. and he looked so much different from how he was just a few months back.. a few months back.. he had just returned from umrah.. all happy and playful.. but now.. now.. n~

when i visited him.. he could no longer speak properly.. only muttering to himself.. unable to recognise anyone except for his direct family.. only responding to them.. he was frail.. he was famished.. he was going to pass..

And nothing could be done but wait.. and nothing is much more sickening then the tormenting long wait for a friend to die.. the wait to die.. everytime i laughed.. i saw his face.. then sorrow would overwhelm me.. then i go silent.. he's around my age.. 21.. but nevertheless it hurt so much.. for someone so young to pass away.. it's like watching myself die..

and so.. on tuesday.. he came back home shortly after.. he went into a coma.. and last night.. by 9pm.. he was gone.. Gone ~

extreme sorrow gripped me.. tears flowed and flowed.. i was on the computer but my vision was blurred by tears that welled up in my eyes.. i told myself to be strong.. to continue with watever i was doing.. and just let the tears flow.. but i could not.. i crumbled under the immense sadness.. i cried.. i wept..

this morning.. i went to his place.. one of the first.. went in to see his face for the very last time.. as his sister drew the cover over his face.. i was shocked.. not in fear.. but in gladness.. his face.. peace was on his face and he had a hint of a smile on his face.. he passed on peacefully.. and i was glad.. and i tears came flowing out again.. and i took one last look at him as i gathered the courage to turn away.. his peaceful face etched into my memory..

and so i waited and participated as the funeral procession went on.. and followed him to the cemetery right to his grave.. as i watched the gravediggers pile the soil on him.. memories of him came flooding thru my mind.. happy memories.. i will never forget his the smile on his face.. as well as the last time i saw his face..


Amiruddin.. Rest in peace..