Melancholic Rhetoric

Friday, May 09, 2008

I find myself somehow in a state of mind where i don't feel like talking anymore. It's like really no mood to talk at all. I just wanna be alone and sit in one corner filled with my own thoughts and do what i just wanna do.

I know I occasionally drift into this mental state of no-talking-ness, but now it's become more frequent and somewhat becomes more of a permanent state of mind where every minute that i'm not engaged in something i'll instantly drift back to it.

Something is just changing about me. I know very well how bad i am at starting conversations. I'm only good at listening and continuing with a conversation, never good at starting one. But now it's kinda different i think. When i'm in this no-talking-ness state of mind, the only thing that i ever do start a conversation with is when i ask questions of things that i don't understand. And when the answer is given and when i understand it, i never continue anymore and i just carry on with what i was doing before. It's like a very very anticlimax kinda thing. It's like, wow engaging and captivating conversation then the next thing u know, i've suddenly dropped out of the conversation and back to what i was doing.

Maybe it has all got something to do with my studies now. I'm like so freakingly engrossed about it. Just totally immersed with understanding what i'm suppose to academically do. Then the moment of no-talking-ness comes when i slowly take my time absorbing the information and letting it settle into my brain and come to fix the logic in the understanding. And as of late, there's an abundant no-talking-ness. So i just simply don't feel like talking anymore. I don't feel like starting a conversation anymore.

When i'm in my no-talking-ness, my friends will come up to me and go "eh! why u so quiet?" and things like that. And yeah, i do understand that i'm a very jovial person who enjoys opening up my mouth. But not anymore. I find no reason to actually talk, if watever's coming out of my mouth is gonna affect someone. Then i would rather just shut up.

Aaaaiiiiiii. i just don't know what's going on with me. It's something strange, yet i somehow like it. I find the no-talking-ness somehow equivalent to meditation. Aiya, i dunno lah. Just remember, that i can still continue conversations, just that i'll be in my no-talking-ness state very often all the time.


If 'A' equals success, then the formula is "A = X + Y + Z" with 'X' being work, 'Y' being play and 'Z' keeping your mouth shut.
- Albert Einstein -

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