The most hardest thing to ever earn is definitely respect.. It's something which I strive and struggle to acheive my whole life.. Ppl look at me and see a timid, weak, goodie-two-shoes defenseless boy.. Not knowing the potential that i have.. They look down on me.. They disrespect me.. they shun me.. they ostracise me.. they hate me..

All my life... I've always wanted people to treat me as an equal.. Not someone whom they can misuse, take advantage off.. I don't like being a door mat.. that's the way ppl have treated me.. And it has always been this way.. it's a sad life.. I do not retaliate over their disrespectful actions.. For i believe in this saying -- Brave is the man who controls his anger and not the one who decimates his adversary.. An honourable verse.. but not one of any effectiveness in this age.. Honour no longer exists today.. It's just a figment of our imagination.. A long lost fantasy.. Yet.. i hold on to this virtue.. and yet.. Ppl still disrespect me.. seeing that i do not retaliate to them.. they think that they can bully me.. they climb over my head.. They carry own their malignant acts.. And yet.. i do not retaliate.. For there is no point in doing so.. How does it benefit one who beats up someone who disrespects him..?? Nothing good is achieved.. Only vengeance, a slight hint of guilt and the person would still disrespect you.. totally not what u want.. So i lead my life with humility.. not showing ppl for who i really am.. i want them to find out who i really am..

Winning the archery competition totally changed my life.. Not only have i acheived something which i really desire.. But inadvertently.. I earned respect.. respect from my fellow year 1s.. respect from my seniors.. Normally during trainings.. i would be shooting all alone together with my training buddies on one board.. Now.. ppl come up to me to seek advice, seek help, seek tips.. Help them i do.. Yet again practicing humility.. For what is a champion who does not do good to his fellow competitiors.. being champion.. Is something i've not been and is something which i have to get used to.. So much "power" in my hands.. I'm afraid of it.. I'm rather shy about it.. But the feeling of being respected is so great.. Earning respect.. Ppl no longer look down on me... Ppl treat me as an equal and some treat me much more.. Assignment of bows i think is gonna happen this week.. I get to chose the bow that i want to use.. Priority for the champion.. It'll be a rather malu moment for me.. Never have i been given the privelege to be prioritised.. Now i have earned it.. I really need to get used to it.. It'll be really embarassing in a good way when i choose my assigned bow.. But 7 pairs of eyes watching me plus the seniors.. it'll really be a malu moment..

I speak of earning respect today.. Coz i was disrespected on 2 occasions today.. really had me thinking.. the good that i do to ppl.. is not something which they can use to their advantage.. I am not a slave.. Sometimes i have to do things on my own so that i can improve myself.. But all the more painful for me is that these ppl do not appreciate the good things that i have done to them... And just an act of individuality.. just doing things on my own.. to be more precise.. not joining their project group.. And ppl look at me, treat me like i've committed a deadly sin.. they can even insult me.. And after being caught for not handing up assignements.. i'm to be blamed.. the reason..?? I didn't give him an opportunity to escape.. pretty stupid ain't it..?! And the amount of insults, expletives and vulgarities that were rained down on me in return.. And not only that.. friends.. Friends that i taught would last, side with him.. why..?? Coz they fear him.. The good things that i do... Are definitely not to be taken advantage off.. My kind nature is not to be taken as a means of advantage.. Now i've lost a couple of friends over something which is called "doing the right thing".. Now i'm all alone with only 2 friends by me.. disrepected and ostracised..

So i sit here.. with tears welling up in my eyes.. typing all this shit down in the clubhouse.. with anthony and yazid doing ballroom-dancing with imaginary partners.. yes.. they're dancing.. their actions rather comical and cheering me up abit.. and yes.. i have archery.. I have the shooting and the non-shooting aspect ridding my mind of such negative things..
Ppl hate me for the good things that i do to them..