"U look exhausted..", "U look shagged...", "Why so sad..??"... These are some of the qns that i now have to answer almost every single day.. Is it really dat obvious..?? I try my best to put a smile on my face.. To cheer everyone around me up.. I try my best.. Yet ppl ask me these qns..

I'm exhausted or shagged or watever words u use to describe extreme lethargy.. Yes.. I am tired, Very.. As time passes by.. the days go by.. The more tired i become.. The responsibilities that i am forced to take are beyond me.. yet i painstakingly take them.. My energy is drained outta me at an immense rate.. I become exhausted.. Physically, mentally, emotionally..

Physically: I have a very high metabolic rate.. I use up a lot of energy.. I have to replenish wat's lost.. I need to eat, all the time.. The basic 3 meal a day is never enough for me.. I need more.. I'm hungry all the time.. But i do not have the necessary monetary earnings to satiate my hunger.. My hunger of replenishing my lost energy.. So everyday i trudge doggedly about doing my tasks.. Always ever hungry.. I'll eat any finger food that i come across.. Slices of bread with butter, cheese, nutella, tuna even fried anchovies.. I'll eat anything.. But by denying myself food.. My stomach shrinks but my appetite still lingers.. My mind shuts itself down..

Mentally and emotionally: I have nothing much in this life.. Nothing of materialistic value.. Thus the most valuable thing to me is my heart.. Being good and nice just comes naturally to me.. No matter how much i try to deny it.. I am forced to take up responsibilities not that of my own.. These tasks are way out of my league.. Yet i painstakingly carry them out.. I have to.. It's the way it has to be and has always been.. I have no freedom of choice.. I cannot choose the way of life i wanna lead... It's always locked away in a deadly cycle.. I don't even have the freedom of choosing the one that i love.. I simply have nothing to offer.. Everytime i come across an infant, a toddler, a young child who just learned how to walk.. I see a smile upon their faces.. the smile of innocence and genuine happiness.. And every time i see these small angels.. I let out a sigh and ask myself.. "Will i have a child of my own..?? I would really love to have a daughter.. And if i do have a child.. Who am i gonna have it with..??" Then reality slaps me hard in the face.. The reality of uncertainty.. My life has really hit rock-bottom that i can't even answer it.. My heart has been broken many times.. Thru betrayal and such.. That every single sorrowful event i go thru is like a normal thing.. I'm becoming ever so hollow.. An empty void.. My life's brutally sad.. It's a sick, vicious cycle.. I come to realise that i no longer know the feeling of love.. the feeling of love that kept me in high spirits back then.. I'm afraid to fall in love.. I truly am.. I'm afraid of looking deep into the eyes of gurls and to fall in love with them.. And realise that i can never love, and can never have one for my own..
I just do not know wat to write about my situation anymore -------

The only things that are keeping me going are that out there.. in some part of the world.. someone may be going thru a harder time then me.. And also.. that i realise that things are gonna change for the better.. Be it in this life or by death..