Nike 10K Run Completed.
My first Nike 10k run.
Not bad of a run. Beat my personal best at 10km.

I've been participating in lots of loner activities. Things like running and fishing, activities where i do things by myself and let my mind wander. Ryan mentioned an important part of fishing that he kinda liked it coz it was a loner activity.

Letting my mind wander clears lots of things up. Doubts, worries, decisions, choices. Some of these are thought over while on the run or while just standing there casting and playing with my lure. And since i've been doing such activities in quite a high volume recently, i allowed my mind to wander for quite alot.

And the most nagging doubt and decision that i had to make was a matter of the heart. A lingering feeling i have held for quite some time - years in fact. And first and foremost i would like to apologise to my bros of 3MC for not mentioning this to you guys. You guys are the closest to me and we share our darkest secrets together. But everytime when i meet you guys, i don't see it as something for me to bring up coz everytime we meet, i'm lost in the moment that we're gonna spend together which is mostly filled with crazy laughter and jokes, and this matter just slips my mind. I'm happy whenever i see u guys so sad thoughts don't occupy my mind.

It goes like this. I kinda have feelings for this girl. And have held it for quite some time, even years. roughly around 4 years. For the first few years i was quite close to this girl. Spending quite some time with her on certain evenings and sometimes even accompanying her home. We were quite close to such an extent that people even thought that we were together - but we weren't. I wish we were but we were not. But for all the closeness, she never noticed how i much i care for her.. So it's kinda a one sided affair to be honest. But i believe the mistake i made is not letting my feelings known to her. But everytime i wanna do just that, something just pops up that stops me from doing so. Even when i had a girlfriend, she never strayed out of my mind. So much to the extent that even my ex-gf could sense that there was something i had for this girl. Like my ex-girlfriend was something to take me away from my failure of not being able to express my feelings for this girl. But i couldn't get her out of my mind, my feelings for this girl were strong.

So i still kept close to her. Eventually we parted and didn't see each other but i still kept my feelings for her alive in hope that she would one day realise something missing from her life. But she never did -- don't think she ever will.

It's kinda hard to explain feelings that has been going on for 4 years and this is the best i can do, a condensed version of events. We've drifted apart for the past year so as expected, the feelings i have for her come into question and i begin to question myself. "How long would i still want to wait?, Do you think she would still develop feelings for you after so long? "

The first song on my blog -What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts - is a good representation of this sort of relationship that i have with this girl. The lyrics are there so if u're interested just listen to the song and read the lyrics along with it..

The questions have always been coming up but i refuse to answer them, let them just fade away. But these kind of questions don't do that. irritating.

Even before this, when things were already drifting apart. And when i was about to let go, some events just happen and tell me not to. Just to hold on a little longer, maybe eventually she'll notice. This has happened countless times. But not anymore now. Not anymore

And it all culminates down to this moment. Where i have lots of time to allow my mind to wander and ask myself these questions and painfully answer them. And a decision has been made. Last week, i came to this painful conclusion during my 8km training run. I didn't want to accept it -- but i had to. And finally, during this Nike 10K run, as usual during a run. My mind wanders and consoles my heart. And i have decided to stop holding on, stop waiting and to let her go..

And finally after 4 years of painfully holding on, i've let myself free.

My heart is finally free..