this is gonna be a random post.. nothing to do with my daily activities.. just simply random..

Just something different.. from now on, things are going to change for me..

I just don't know how to lay out this bag of snakes. It's like many random variables culminate into one final product. And that product is a soon-to-be-changed me.

Obnoxious quips by people that had a really, great and deep impression on myself. On how the way I dress, how the way I talk, how the way I interact with others -- on how I'm different from others. I have to admit that I'm deeply affected by it. It's like that feeling of some sort of sharp pain in the chest that makes your skin have this weird tingling feel when someone just randomly quips something about you. I bet most of you have encountered this feeling before. It's not nice. And the not so nice part of it is when you begin to question yourself.

Confidence that have been brimming and shining for most of the time suddenly just gets shadowed and stalled, and you just shrink and slouch into insecurity. Every single detail about ourselves suddenly becomes magnified and we begin to judge and question how our actions and our looks are seen from the eyes of others. Little do we know that every time we doubt ourselves it kills our confidence one layer at a time. Or rather we know it, just that we refuse to accept that fact.

But as we question ourselves. We pain ourselves to look right, to look normal, to be normal in the eyes of others. It's always about looking right in the eyes of others. And when we do it, it feels real fake , it feels plastic. Even though we look right in the eyes of others, we don't feel right.

I just can't stand having my confidence being eaten away after working so hard to nurture it. I don't like it at all. So i begin to question my actions.

Why do I have to accomodate for others? Why can't they accomodate to me? It may sound rather selfish but I pretty much prefer the latter. I bet you, the one reading this, will have something inside you that just agrees with me.

But look at it this way, the first question is to demand you to change yourself to suit others. Let's change the perspective, do others change to suit you. Most certainly they won't. And why should they? That's why I prefer the second one.

I can't change myself. I am me. I am what I am. People will have to adapt to me being with them. Whatever I do is what defines me. This is the change that's about to happen. No more accomodating for others. I just want to be me.

As I see it. Standing tall and firm to being who I am brings out my confidence. Nothing beats confidence, really. You feel good, you feel great. You walk around with your back straight and your head upright. People enjoy being with you coz the confidence just oozes energy and people like this energy.

This is me making a stand. This is me being ME. This is me coming out of my shell. This is me. And this is the change.