Monday to Thursday morning..

Exercise Wanderer on Monday.. literally wandered all around tekong from north west to north east to south east to south west.. quite fun exercise.. get to know the people in my detail much better..

Exercise Grandslam from tuesday to thursday.. shellscrape digging and section battle course.. OCS cadets were around too so we clashed numerous times.. but it was great to meet my BMT mates that are in OCS now.. main highlight.. a damn big wild boar ransacked tan sean's field pack for food and his shellscrape is just like 3m away from mine and i was changing my underwear when jonovan discovered the boar and i ran out barefooted to hanhui's shellscrape.. LOL..



Thursday to Friday..

I could say that it's one of the most saddest time of my life.. I've never felt so much anger, betrayal and sadness.. It's so sad..

It's so sad to the point that i woke up on Friday morning and the first thing that clearly came to my mind was " I Hate This World " and i whispered it under my breath.. it's really sad.. as i sat up by the side of my bed, i paused there as I let the reality of what i just said sink in..

As i joined the elite few of my company that passed SOC and got at least an IPPT silver or gold for our 3km morning run in skeletal battle order with rifle, there was no mood to sing any song, no mood to give a shit for whatever i was doing.. I had no mood at all.. But i had no choice, i had to run it.. Led by my OC himself..

I can tell you, the run was way much tiring than SOC itself and it can be supported by the exhausted, drained up look of my OC as he sat by the chinup bars with his shirt off and him panting after the run..

But i ran through it all the way.. so many people fell out and just walked but i continued to run.. driven by a fervor i never realised i had it in me.. it was not like the kind of thing that i'd like.. but i ran with the fervor of hatred.. i was still burning with the fire of hating this world.. and i cried.. amidst the dripping sweat off my brow.. tears flowed from my eyes and my face grimaced in sadness.. but no one saw it.. coz the tears were integrated with my sweat and everyone was occupied with their own running and exhaustion..

i felt a little bit better.. but still overall sad.. i didn't let my bunkmates nor my buddy know about it.. i can't show it to them.. they all look up to me.. it will be a real letdown to them if they knew how disappointed i was and how i let such a matter affect me..

i'm still disappointed though.. and trying hard to set it aside..

it hurts the most when you've given your best in all things that you do and you don't get the reward for it.. i mean it's like i've put in my best, the results show it but why? why?

sometimes i don't understand..

i'll just have to wait until after CNY to know..